life in the sun

missing people sucks

2008-07-18T11:04:00.003-05:00

sometimes its a pity you can't lug all your favourite people around with you like a cellphone or a stuffed toy.
there are people and things in trinidad and tobago that i miss so much my heart hurts. it's almost as bad as breaking up. i broke up with TT. we'll go out for coffee later but that's not the same as waking up to the birds, the mountains, the sea breeze and the sunshine every day (except rainy season).
visiting isn't the same as living there. which i knew. that's the whole reason why i wanted to live there. but yeah.

you almost dont want to meet people. so then you'll have less to miss.

this morning i quite vividly dreamed i was back in trinidad, and i was going to go spend a day in tobago. i had my tickets in hand, my beach stuff on my shoulder and people i wanted to visit. it was very real at the time. and unrealistic because there was a voice saying but you're 3300km away in CANADA stupid!

so yeah. that dream had an abrupt ending. but eh well.

michelle asked me how much is a ticket to go back?
i dont even want to know. cus if someone handed me a ticket i'd be on the next flight outta here. so very true.
lol i'm home, but i'm homesick!

[and of course, when i was in TT there were people HERE that i was missing terribly too]

best friends

2008-07-16T10:26:00.001-05:00

best friends are the best therapy*.

*disclaimer: does not apply if your best friend is your drug dealer or your pimp or that good times guy/gal who got you hooked on coke or meth.

but yeah.
best friends rock.
=)

new hobby - distracting friends at work

2008-07-16T09:12:00.002-05:00

09:47:29] Caribbean Barbie says:
dont you have... like ...work to do?
[09:56:28] S1KA6T says:
yes i do
[09:56:34] S1KA6T says:
AND i'm doing it right now
[09:57:11] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause*
[09:57:21] Caribbean Barbie says:
--employee of the year award goes to
[09:57:27] Caribbean Barbie says:
* p a u s e *
[09:57:37] Caribbean Barbie says:
D______________________ H___________________________!
[09:57:48] Caribbean Barbie says:
come on up here and say a few words, mr. ______!
[10:00:18] S1KA6T says:
rotfl
[10:00:44] Caribbean Barbie says:
speech!!! SPEECH!!
[10:03:01] S1KA6T says:
I'd like to thank God, my family...

[10:06:26] Caribbean Barbie says:
lol
[10:06:30] Caribbean Barbie says:
*cue music*
[10:06:51] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause as Rent-A-Hoe gives him a kiss and steers him off the stage*
[10:10:02] S1KA6T says:
*slaps Rent-A-Hoe in the ass as he walks off stage*
* Crowd cheers*

[10:11:46] Caribbean Barbie says:
lmao
[10:11:49] Caribbean Barbie says:
dirty bird!

observations and other ruminations

2008-07-15T22:26:00.002-05:00

what's up with all the hardback 23 year olds out there?

let's start with my "baby" brother. 23. hard back man. now that he's cut off the braids and gone back to the pretty boy low fade, he looks more 23 and less 35.

random #1 pro-footballer. at 23, could pass for 35 easy. in fact, looked like one of my 37 year old friends, just taller. and fairer.

random #2 boat captain. 23 going on 30 "with experience". now that i've seen my brother for the first time in months, i see that mr. random 23 #2 could take my brother easy. #2 has quite a long reach. and maybe about 1 or 2 inches over him. although my brother is quite the beast at 6'3, 180some-odd lbs. it would be quite the fight.

random #3 engineer. 23 but could be a young 30. he assumed i was his age, and i assumed the same. HA! now, white guys usually look older than they are, but this was almost bordering on ridiculous. maybe it was the glasses... or the european air.

tsk. there must be something in the water

---

the last 2 weeks of june and the first 2 weeks of july were headaches and a half. there were some excellent moments, and some VERY e x t r e m e l y $#!@^ moments. i even managed to breakdown in tears and SWEAR at work! in my class. with the door closed. and no one else around. but i dont do swearing, so you know it was bad.
good times included - the drive to mayaro (beautiful), store bay with mah mama, the non-stop friday night with candace.

i wish, really wish, i had changed my ticket to stay until the first week of august. i feel very idle here in toronto, and i felt very rushed in my last 2 weeks in tdad. the kelvster would have pitched a fit though. but then i could have caught up on sleep, checked out tgo heritage (GAH), and been around for the return of the Jan for Barry's wedding. i probably would have gotten myself into trouble though too... too much idleness isn't always a good thing!

but that is a small regret. and it wont change the fact that i am HERE and not there.

---

one of my vices, besides occasional bouts of selfishness, is the desire to have balance and harmony in all my relationships with others. i accidentally pissed off a friend before i left. i sent msgs to and talked to everyone i could think of while i was waiting in the airport...and even when i was on the plane (before they told us to shut things off). but this person was too pissed to respond i guess.
half of me says 'pfft. why bother?' and the other half stubbornly says 'you need to secure your investment in the friend bank'.
but perhaps i'll have to close that account. that would be an option for resolution too. not the ideal solution, but dwelling on that loose end just amplifies my depression about my dis/relocation to Toronto.

---

nothing is ever as you want it, but everything is as it should be.

---

i'll have to close this life in the sun and start a new blog about the Tdot Homecoming Tour....

more on that later

what is the goal

2008-06-26T00:14:00.002-05:00

when you do something, make long term plans, you always need to have an aim, a goal towards which you are striving.
but sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what the goal is. and when THAT is figured out, you can figure out all the milestone mini goals that need to be reached along the way.

the goal in coming here was...
a) to live by myself and not with family
b) to live by myself and not with a significant other
c) to live by myself in a "foreign" country/ "new" environment

i wanted to achieve all these goals by relocating to trinidad so that i could know how to do things, live life for myself and mostly by my own means.

there's a calypso that talks about independent ladies who bought their stuff for themselves. its not annoying or condescending like tlc or destiny's child. it's more appreciative of a woman's capacity to not depend on others for the things she wants/needs.

now as for my small goals above,
a was achieved
b was achieved sort of because he was the absent presence in every conversation, every moment of the day.
c was achieved... although technically, literally, trinidad is not foreign to me as i was born here and have visited several times

i really wanted to achieve b because i knew that when i went back to toronto, i would have to join myself to someone else and their life, and i didn't want to regret not knowing what it is to live by myself as an adult in my own place.

people ask if i'm ready to move back to T.O. i say i'm never ready, but it is time. i have achieved my goals. the significant other has been patiently waiting. i have also learned, or had reconfirmed, that there is no one who fits me just like he does.

like my trini flag havaianas - if i could wear those all day every day, i would be ecstatic. but that doesn't work for all occasions. sometimes its not possible to access your favourite shoes, so you go for something else. something that matches or fits the occasion but is equally comfortable. but all along you know, nothing beats my fave pair of ___ and i can't wait to get home to take these off and put those on.

even though i may be dragging my heels because i'm not looking forward to winter, being unemployed, being quasi-homeless, paying world gas prices; or missing mas, the fetes and concerts, the beaches, my family [!!!], all signs are pointing to the airport.

there seem to be new signs pointing to new things at home.

but, for now, for here, the goals have been achieved.

it is time to go.

love nights like this

2008-06-16T16:53:00.002-05:00

so sunday was super duper productive mang.
sort of.

woke up BEFORE 7AM WITHOUT MY ALARM. craaaaaaaaaziness.
started marking after breakfast.
marked til pops called and said he needed a lift.

no probs.

threw on some non-pj clothes, grabbed his father's day fancy bread present, jumped in the car and headed for the port.
....only to see cops and cars every-damn-where.

bomb scare

only in trinidad. steeeeeeeeeeeeeeups. so i parked up and waited in south quay. just as a crazy vagrant started a one man show in my rearview mirror, pops appeared. phew!

headed to the house to drop him off and visit... scored some lunch. =D
tore myself away from the jokes and the attention of all the aunties (and the same questions over and over every time someone new entered the room), and headed back to mark.

talked to the kelvin and loaded the car for donita's.
napped then marked some more.

finished loading zee car and then headed back to donita's for pack-a-palooza.
left her place 930 and headed home to bathe, get pretty and find some MEN!
lol j/k
just meeting a friend and his brother at an irish pub. IRISH PUB. but sunday night it's karaoke. ram-packed with a whole set of black and brown but mostly black folks. i could count the white boys on one hand. its times like these that remind me that i'm in the caribbean and not canada.

aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, squeeze into the teeny tiny space by the bar that my friend and his brother have claimed and look over their shoulders to see.... my cousin and his friends =D
good times.
{well good times after they finished interrogating me about all my business - starting with why i was out on a sunday night.}

gotta love the fact that trinidad is [ this big ].

i got lots of jokes for the night. it was a perfect end to the weekend. i'm so glad i didn't decide to be lazy and stay in.
that was a good lime =)

officially...

2008-06-14T22:55:00.002-05:00

i've officially committed myself to leaving this place.
we packed up my dishes tonight. or rather, donita packed my dishes in my other stuff and i typed all the items into her itemized list for customs. my things went into box 4 (aka brown box #2 aka apc box) and box 5 (aka copyrite box #2).
and i still have piles of things here.
shoes, clothes, books, teaching stuffs...
but it's all been displaced and ready to be piled into the car and taken over to the packing station where the PackMaster does her magic. i provided the music and the comic relief.

the wildlife is already ready to take over my place. somehow a giant outside roach made it through the doorframe and onto my curtain on wednesday [he didn't live long]. i saw a large lizard on the kitchen wall last night, and now as i'm typing, a daddy longlegs came strolling over to the futon to start a home underneath.

wha de jail...?!

and my everlasting joy turned frustration - the yearbook - is still not at the printer. at this 99th hour. because of holdups beyond our control. this is nuts. but eh well. i'm trying not to be stressed. i'm really concerned its not a reflection on me.
gah.
too many variables! not enough control. urgh.

today was a girls day.
french class with the women... in my khaki mini skirt. i swear i didn't realize that thing was so short. i was comfortable for the rest of the day but waaaaaaaaaaaay.... could hardly sit gracefully in it at those miniskool wooden desks.
meet donita and go shopping on ariapita.
it only just occurred to me, when we were in tres chic (62 ariapita ave) after the hemp shop (across the road), that ariapita is like yonge street.... or maybe queen west. you could, theoretically, walk from about where it starts at park street, or even after, from colville street, and see lots of things, pass lots of eateries, and do plenty shopping.

i spent the equivalent of my mas costume in the hemp store today. but it was for a very good cause.
most of the shirts i bought for other people (not me!!) were from this line: http://riseupinternational.com/

its worth checking out the site if even just for the ("bess"/"boss"/"sick") soundtrack - talib, mia, damian....

rise up is kind alike red cross meets samaritan's purse minus the church aspect. they started the clothing line this year to raise awareness to a variety of issues and/thereby increase the funds they have available to continue the grassroots projects around the world that work to end exploitation, inequities and injustice in specific locales.

after making my linx card sweat in the hemp shop, headed down for a salad lunch at lagniappe. yum!
in fact, its 1222am, but i think it might be carrot cake time... i think... hmm yesh.

after that, got d's bday present =) girly top oh yeah!!

then bank, then tape (can never have enough duct tape), then grocery! (girls' gotta eat!)

mmmhmm...

if it weren't for a few important things/people back home, i could live down here for another 5 years for sure. the weather today was lovely. hot and no rain, but lots of breeze.

there was even great music on el radio!

there will be more packing tomorrow. i also need to mark like a FIEND to get these projects done. ugh.

life is good =)

naked cycling

2008-06-13T23:34:00.002-05:00

only in france would they be so cool as to have a cyclist demonstration where people ride the streets en masse, in their underwear to illustrate the vulnerability of cyclists and the environment in a world full of gas-guzzling, unconscientious, road-hogging petrol-whores.

if only the rest of us could be that cool... or if only they tried that in quebec. in february. ha!

Selon l'association, la nudité est utilisée «comme symbole de la vulnérabilité des cyclistes et de l'environnement». «Toutes ces manifestations sont pacifistes. Le message est que les cyclistes sont victimes: faire du vélo à Paris est dangereux mais ce n'est pas de leur faute», a confié Véronique Dubarry, adjointe Vert au maire de Paris qui a pris part au cortège, se voilant la poitrine de son écharpe tricolore.

http://www.lefigaro.fr/actualite-france/2008/06/07/01016-20080607ARTFIG00617-les-cyclo-nudistes-envahissent-les-rues-de-paris-.php

when in doubt, reggae

2008-06-11T21:50:00.001-05:00

Zebulun Better will come.
This is acapella. its just as good as the track itself.

Positive Never Let Go
gwan Trini!

ryan leslie diamond girl

2008-06-08T11:19:00.002-05:00

i love how the shot of youtube is embedded in the vid. it may or may not be what he originally intended, but there's still the effect that you are glued to a screen watching him along with thousands of other people in their own private places wherever. youtube is like ed sullivan in that people tune in to see what's up.

[copied from youtube]
Added: April 05, 2008 (Less info)
This is the edit of the video that premiered on BET's 106 & Park on Friday, April 4th. Since it's my channel, I've added some sound design to the version that aired.

As I posted in my previous video, I had a huge vision for this video to feel like a live television performance that gave tribute to a James Brown piece I saw on the Ed Sullivan show.

I saved up my money and had the EXACT same stage built that James performed on. I then hired a band to cut the live version. After that, I worked with everyone on the stage to have that throwback vibe. I paid to shoot the performance on a blue screen with the intention of having the set of the Ed Sullivan show digitally recreated behind me. My label disagreed.

They felt that the live version felt too much like a remix.

They also felt that we needed to rush on the video so the final edit came back without the digital stage - just changed the blue to black and added some lights, and cutaway graphics of diamonds.

My original treatment called for the video to be set in the late 60's just like James Brown's performance. I wanted to have families huddled around the television watching this performance like they used to back then.

When I got to LA to shoot, the entire set was modern and a piece of me died. My vision was compromised. Rather than be an ungrateful artist, I stayed and gave my best performance.

The video that's airing is really only a partial representation of my artistic vision.

Here are a few of the audio edits I've made that are featured in the vid that you're seeing:

* First, I had someone come to the studio and say the following dialogue in French:

"Ryan. Wait for me. I'm not even ready! I can't believe you're gonna leave me here...You're driving me crazy - I can't do this anymore. Ryan - if you leave - we're finished! YOU SPENT $3000 ON A DRESS - don't you wanna see me in it?? Oh..ok - fine... GO! Amuse yourself with the girls at your show!! And if you think I'll be here when you get back - THINK AGAIN!!"

* Second, I convinced Evan to do the voice-over of my manager.

* Third, I re-cut my dialogue from the beginning and added the sound of running water to enhance the vibe of our bathroom conversation.

* Fourth, I added the sound of the door opening before the video starts.

* Added a few horn stabs to parts of the performance when I'm gesturing to the band to "hit me".

* Put some applause at the end of the performance scene.

* Added the sound of screaming girls, running feet, more screaming girls and the car door closing.

The lesson I learned here is that when you have a strong creative vision - do everything in your power to see it through. I am very thankful that I have a video on TV. Many artists are still striving for that milestone. Regardless, this experience encouraged me to shoot another video as well as an 11 minute short film based on "Diamond Girl".

I will not stop.

R

i concur

2008-06-04T20:40:00.001-05:00

"the newspaper clipping"
http://mangoandmosquitoblog.wordpress.com/2008/05/31/the-newspaper-clipping/

someone else's blog. pasting because these are my thoughts every day. briefly, but still there. and definitely more so than in my lower bracket scarborough stomping grounds.

life is short

2008-06-04T20:11:00.002-05:00

time passes quickly.
my grandad's best bud from secondary school just died recently. of cancer. i had met him in september when i had come down. he was going to take me south to show me the old areas, but i was busy that weekend. then model un happened, kelvin came, carnival, stella, easter... and all of march and april it was on my mind to call him. when i finally called in mid april, i was told he was in the hospital with cancer. i didn't know how to get there or when visiting hours would be. i wanted to go at the right time for me. i had planned to go this weekend after french class.
but then this evening the phone rang and my aunt was telling me how someone had called to say that they'd seen his death notice in the paper. his funeral had been just this weekend gone.
while i was in tobago.
R.I.P. Edgar McNish.
At least now the old boys are liming together =)

life is short.

you should always trust your instincts when they knock, not when its convenient.

and, you should always try to enjoy everything, while living the best life you can (without hurting others of course!)

~~~~~and in other news~~~~~~
england beat trinidad 3-nil
there are 2 more weeks of school and i still have full units to teach,
but,
i'll have all the culminatings in by this friday
i still dont have a job

there was a man in my yard at 530 monday morning. he had tried to rob one of my neighbours. then he ran behind my house (my bedroom window) and jumped over the wall.

the argyle falls are still beautiful and you can find the best rocks to nap on there
i threw up into the sea last friday
i -didn't- go out and swim with the sting ray
the boat captain proposed to me and serenaded me... i found out later he's a married, devout, seventh-day adventist
oh the life of tobago tour guides! the crap they can spew. i guess that's part of the package. =|

friends dont let friends eat doubles

2008-05-28T20:06:00.002-05:00

oh mah gawruh
all day i was feeling bloated. and couldnt figure out why. i've been skipping out on my cocoa-coffee pick me up in favour of water this week. and i havent bought food for lunch, so i couldnt figure out why i was bloated to the point of exploding.
then, when i FINALLY got home for good this evening, my insides fell out.
and then i remembered:

my coworker had stopped for doubles and brought one for me. THAT'S what did it

she can knock back 4 and be set. i eat one, and it brings on a colon cleansing. pfft.

and in other news

prince caspian was an excellent movie. i saw the late show with a friend.which means i got home very late - after my bedtime. which means i didnt' mark any essays. which means i was attempting to ignore my kids all day so that i could mark. pfft. didn't work.

but yeah. prince caspian. rocked. i love the chronicles of narnia series. thank God for C.S.Lewis!

then this evening, i felt very old.
eavesdropped on someone's coffee run and scored a mocha. then helped kids/supervised yearbook until 5. then booted home to sweep, wash dishes in anticipation of the 8 people who were coming at 530 to see my apt. the first came at 515. steups. and i was just about to change my clothes!

the third person happened to be a parent of one of my students... so after the tour we had an impromptu parent-teacher conference outside my front door. how lovely.

i sweat down the world a little bit while the second person who came through waited until the 8th had left, then pumped me for info and went back to re-inspect my house... and tell me how she wanted an osterizer.

and i'm thinking 'I GOTTA GOOOOO!'

went back to school where the 3 spazztastic slackers were still working frantically on their project. that's due tomorrow. yah.
never mind they got it on february 18th. and it says in font 22 "don't wait until the last week to get started". that's exactly what one of them did. the other 2 had started early, then had forgotten to continue. =\

at 8pm left school to let my cousin's friend see some of my stuff.

the futon is SOLD ladies and gents!

*le tear*

i'm slowly getting out of here...

but first:
this weekend starts on tomorrow at 2pm because friday is a holiday (indian arrival!!). so we are OFF to TOBAGO.

i'll party it up for you, and you, and especially YOU!

oooooooh thursdays

2008-05-22T20:47:00.002-05:00

tonight is a 2 hr grey's anatomy season finale. 45 mins into the first hour we have the line of the night
'you wont die. and i wont die. i'm not finished loving you yet'

*le tear!*

and in other news, we drove waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up into grande riviere yesterday to see leatherback turtles come ashore to lay their eggs. that is the COOLEST thing EVER. the turtles are huge. and they know what they have to do and just do it. then roll out. pfft. no scene. there were a few turtle 'bad drives' - one colliding fin to face with another as they dragged themselves along the beach to find the RIGHT spot to dig a hole and deposit their eggs. the bigger turtle won out on that one.
its cool how they use their back fins to scoop out the sand, and then scoop and pat it back on top. they curve their back fins just like hands.
A M A Z I N G.

God's creations. too cool!
i only wish we'd stayed overnight so i could have taken pics of turtles at dawn. you can't use flash because that disorients them and there wasn't enough moonlight at 10 clock to let my piddly no-flash setting on my cam work to capture anything.

buuuuuut.... check it out http://www.gadling.com/2006/05/29/nesting-of-the-giant-leatherback-turtles-grand-riviere-trinida/

pretty decent

2008-05-20T18:04:00.002-05:00

this weekend was pretty decent.

friday was good. girls night out is always great. it was also great that i didn't have to drive so i was good and tight for the night!
saturday was looooooong, but a lot was accomplished. plus, i got to hang out with many different peoples.
sunday was slightly productive with some cooking, some marking, some groceries, and a lot of family. aunty pearl's birthday and a whole heap of food!

monday was a bit of a sketchfest though. an unanticipated meeting threw off my whole schedule... and i missed my appointment....and then i didn't do my french homework and felt like a heel. was even debating not going because i knew i hadn't done my work. i'm such a bad student!

then i get remote diagnosed by doctor kelvin as viral and diseased. i've been prescribed a strict regimen of oranges and orange juice. vitamin c pills are apparently NOT sufficient in his medical opinion.

i haven't bought any oj OR oranges yet... shhhhh!!! but peter gave me half his orange after i told him about my phone-visit to the 'doctor'.

so, i had some real vitamin C, thank you very much.

now if only someone could handle my laundry situation.... =S

amen, brother ainsworth!

2008-05-20T18:01:00.002-05:00

"No one walks into schools with all white students and all white staff and asks how those kids will assimilate in a diverse world when they graduate. Why do we ask that about schools that aren't white?"

booyah!
although i reserve judgment on how the long fought-for afrocentric schools will work out. the proof will be in the product.

http://parentcentral.ca/parent/article/427519

the loooooongest day ever

2008-05-18T01:48:00.002-05:00

went to bed late thursday
worked friday
went straight to get hair done after school
picked up sasha
passed through la horquetta
came home, got dressed, went to zen
got home at 4ish

up at 7am
wake up de peoples
let in the ac repair guy
drop donita home
drop sasha to city gate
get to french class (on three hours sleep)
---all before 9am!!!
have a 15 min crash nap during break in french class
after class, go straight to trincity
from trincity to la horquetta for a 5 minutes
get home
wash car
talk to the bf
go out with the neighbours for dinner at a funky indian restaurant
shower dress and pick up friend to catch 11pm showing of iron man
-it was pretty decent -
went looking for oil and toilet paper
mission accomplished

now blogging at 3am.

this saturday has gone on forEVER!

Reasons, Seasons and Lifetimes

2008-05-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

Reason, Season and Lifetime

..

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

..

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

or to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

...

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

...

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

...

When people come into your life for a SEASON,

it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,

the season eventually ends.

...

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being part of my life.

...

Used with permission

~©Brian A. "Drew" Chalker~
http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm

penurious

2008-05-09T21:17:00.002-05:00

sometimes i can be so demanding.
wait.
who am i kidding.
ALL the time i'm pretty demanding.
of my students, my friends, everyone...

hm.

i killed an ant this evening. its been in the throes of death all over my living room for the past hour. and still thrashing.
its one of those large black carpenter ants that somehow had the fortitude and misfortune to sneak into my house around the door frame. i swatted it back to the door and then i sprayed the doorway... but it was still near the door - so it got caught.

i'm not sure if i feel more guilty about the lengthy death throes or if i would feel more guity if i had just stomped on it.

either way, i wouldnt want to trade places!

gott im himmel!

2008-05-08T20:37:00.003-05:00

today was a pretty decent day.
decent fashion, great lessons, entertaining yard duty complete with a discussion about the location of the fetus (in the stomach -GIVE ME STRENGTH), and then cooking. yay.
even had a good homework zone.

but then, i watch tv and it SUCKS.
oprah while cooking had sjp and her stanking satc crew. i hate sex and the city on principle because i think sjp frankly looks like an old horse and is overhyped. really.

tlc had previews of its green channel. i watched Wasted. they peer pressured/used money to convince these 3 black women who were roommates in a wicked loft to change their planet-killing ways. the acting was SO bad. and the third roommate was so weak cus the poor dear didn't have english as a first language. the other 2 looked like they were hoping this was Their Big Break.

grey's anatomy was even more infuriating. meredith thinks she wants to rise above and actually INSISTED that derek go home with stupid nurse rose.
STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUPPPPPPPSSS...

its hot as blazes for some reason (or maybe i'm having hot flashes) but her smirky insistence that he leave, her Bigger Person act, had me so mad that i actually threw my fanning pillow.

THREW IT.
yes.

but at least grey's redeemed itself.

love cristina. oh yeah.
"i was his hand... and now i'm a ghost"

wa wa canada!

what really matters

2008-05-07T15:39:00.002-05:00

yesterday i got some news i expected. it wasn't the best news, but i knew it would be news that i would be ambivalent about. (about which i would be ambivalent? yesh grammar police on patrol in my Ego). aaaaanyway, because we had a 6hr power outage yesterday, and i had had a nap in the afternoon (for lack of anything else to do and reading in the heat was making me sleepy), i was quite alert and NOT tired when i went to sleep at 1130.

and i laid in bed thinking about the news i'd received. and what it meant to me. especially in light of my current circumstances. so little is certain in my life already, but, i can't go back on what i've committed to. i refuse to in principle.

so today i woke up and i realized the news was still sitting in my head and it was making me sad. plus, i knew there would be some OTHER screw up today because i was taking the second class on the same trip and it would ALWAYS be eventful - never simply smooth. so not looking forward to the day, not looking forward to the heat, and NOT looking forward to the staff meeting afterwards, there was very little to pick me up out of the doldrums in which i started my day.

in fact, there were tears running down my face as i wrote the quote of the day and i wiped them away with my hand as i half turned to say good morning to the students coming in. i wished i could close the door and have a little pity party/confusion cry. but it was too late. the bell had rung. the students were streaming in. and besides, i didn't want my eyes to be the same vibrant red as my shirt because they wouldn't have been able to handle THAT distraction. and of course, miserable and whiny as they can be, i know they count on me to be an adult and NOT have any life outside of them and their crises in the 80 mins that they're in my room.

i finally understood why another colleague would say i haven't had a chance to cry yet but i cant right now because now is not the time.

funny enough, the quote of the day was "Maintain your composure under any circumstance."

how ironic.

one of my boys in the slightly less self-centred second class could see on my face immediately that i was not my usual chipper morning self. he walked in, stopped up short mid-stride, and you could see the gears shift from whatever he was going to say about himself to "Miss, wha'happen? yuh havin a bad day or wha'?"

bless his heart. i said yeah, just have some other things going on right now. at which point he turns to my (first period) class and ordered "hey! allyuh take it easy on Miss today! a'right? behave allyuh selves!"

most had their ipods on because i had already given the instructions for the day so as usual, they missed the point, but i appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

-----
on sunday i finished mitch albom's Tuesdays with Morrie. i wish i had read that when my grandad was still alive and fighting cancer....so this time last year. i would have been a better nurse to him in july i think. but anyway, one of the things morrie tells mitch is to practice Detachment - in a Buddhist sort of way. identify the emotion, look at it, turn it around, feel it, then put it down.... so you can get on with the business of the day.

------

that's what i did to get through this morning. took the sadness and put it on a shelf. took the frustration at leaving late, the annoyance with the power tripping tour guide, the discomfort with the heat, and the exasperation at the disorganization of the second half of the tour... took each one and put it up there. on the shelf. but i think it takes effort to do that. a lot of effort. to put it up on a shelf to deal with later in order to maintain your composure.

the girl's rudeness was to the point where the students were mocking her within earshot and making plans to tell her off. i had to tell some of them not to take her on, and not to take it in...because i was trying to not take on her negativity for myself AND for them and i was getting tired.

i think for me the best part of the trip was the ride back in the maxis. crazy spice girls singing at the top of their lungs. boys trying to lead renditions of the safety dance, abba, backstreet boys and nkotb hits. and there's the old favourite of the wheels on the bus and 900 bottles of -water- on the wall.

back at work, i was so drained i didn't even want to commit to lunch. just wanted to lie down somewhere (bathe first, then sleep). but, no, we had a staff meeting! luckily i got the opportunity to decompress with a colleague. all those emotions related to the agonies of the trip came off the shelf and were thrown around her office. that allowed me to have a clearER shelf to deal with the staff meeting. the sadness was still there though.

the staff meeting was as thrilling as usual.

i got home and called a friend. he told me some very funny stories and was quite philosophical. it also helped me to understand some of the facets of my own current circumstances. his stories helped put the sadness into perspective.

it is nice when some pieces of the puzzle fall into place. it makes it much easier to handle the holes that appear when other pieces are removed or dont fit.

the nice thing about being 28 is that i can comfortably say that i'm old and that i'm a woman. i can conduct myself in certain ways and discuss certain things without having to be apologetic or coy.

but i must say, that phone call this afternoon was the HIGHLIGHT of my day.

a good friend is someone who, whether they know it or not, point you in the direction of what really matters.

recycling 5

2008-05-04T18:24:00.001-05:00

24 May 2006

nothin says "we missed you" like a softball to the shins
Current mood: content
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

this category thing is really stupid. i wanted to put career and life.

so i think i'm on schedule or ahead of schedule with my thesis tortu...writing. i figured i should call in and find out if there were any supply jobs so i could make some extra loot (plane tickets apparently don't grow on trees! who knew?). i talked to the VP last week and he let me know that he needed someone for tuesday to friday this week.

no prob.

yesterday was my first day back at this school since supplying for a few days in february. i taught there at the beginning of the year while covering someone's mat leave. the person came back to her job and i retreated to the library to frantically start (um...continue) research for my thesis.

unfortunately for the kids, this woman is very strict. the rumour is she doesn't even smile when she's around the students. they were used to me being young, witty, hip and talkin that street jive that those kids learn from BET. the transition left some of them traumatized.

so my arrival yesterday was akin to the hoopla at the toronto international film fest - without the lights, cameras, red carpets or security guards. students were saying hi and waving excitedly. twas nice. when i walked into a room of kids, one of the boys who was in my class in fall latched on to me for dear life. apparently i need to return because the other teacher "hates" him and is failing him. whatever the case was, it was quite awkward.

given the number of pedophiles (jordana and derek start hooting like peewee's playhouse for the word of the day- and he was a perv too), there are lots of rules about us hugging students, putting our hands on students, or generally touching them at all. i refrain from all of that whenever possible. however, given that he is 14, is 3 inches taller than me and has about a 20-30 pound advantage, i had no choice but to wait til his exuberant desperation had subsided enough to give my forearms some wiggle room to protest.

upon release, he declared his love for me. uh. ok.

"that's slightly inappropriate, _______, but thanks..."

i had to field many questions such as "are you coming back?" "where are you teaching next year?" "can you be our insert subject teacher, because i hate mr/ms insert name. they're insert disparaging comment" "why did you have to leave?" "are you coming back tomorrow?"

they also have to adjust to my giant black peoples hair. some walk right past me because they don't recognize me with the fro or they don't expect to see me at the school. one kid was running in one direction as he glanced at me while racing by. i stopped and waited. i heard "shhpt shhhpt shhpt". he ran back, stopped, stared, then yelled "MISS L!!!!!!!"

i've also had to stop people (grade 8s who should know better) from randomly reaching out and touching my hair like they have tourrette's. if i dont poke you in your eye to see what it feels like, then you shouldn't be touching my hair just because you think it will be fun.

during lunch duty on tuesday, i was standing with another teacher, chatting and shivering in the breeze [steups was frackin cold!], when i heard "HEADS UP!" my super teacher peripheral vision which allows me to see 360 degrees without turning my head registered the fact that there was indeed a low-flying projectile hurtling towards where we were standing. i didn't move because it wasn't near my head.

silly me.

the "soft"ball careened off my shin before zipping on to land harmlessly on the concrete. i'm cool, i'm a soldier. i didn't even look at my throbbing shin to see the damage.

the kid who missed the fateful catch yelled a concerned, "i know that hurt, miss L." yes, yes it did. but you're not going to catch ME crying! no sir. i'm tough. made of steel.

ow.

at home later i assessed the carnage. a nice elliptical purpleish welt the size of a kiwi had formed on my left shin.

teaching is great.

recycling 4

2008-05-04T18:13:00.001-05:00

21 Mar 2006

the wonders and mysteries of African hair
Current mood: enthralled

or should i say Negroid hair?

on march 11th, i had several hair cutting conversations. i resolved that weekend to cut my hair. specifically- cut the straight ends off. myself. not wtih a hair dresser.
my hair was pretty jacked that week. I think it was in shock from coming back from Trinidad's moist hair-loving sea breeze air and returning to dry Canadian air. I was also pretty tied up with the fact that i'd undone the twists, but my two textures (6inches natural, 8inches straightish) were doing war with each other and i couldn't be bothered to pacify them.

sunday, march 12th, after church (shoulda asked for prayers of guidance), i washed my hair with pantene for coloured people and then got set up to cut it. i cut from the back to the front. i experienced all sorts of traumas when i arrived at the middle of my head because here my hair stretched out to more than a foot long and it was quite upsetting to have to slice through it.

the hair never suspected a thing.

i cut it and realized something i had forgotten. black hair shrinks to 1/3 its length when wet. no worries, i'll just stretch the hair out by twisting.

oh yeah, while i was conditioning, i put a towel on my neck and sat down at my computer to look up websites with tips on how to properly cut straight hair off and how to style short natural hair.

did i mention i was doing this myself? crazy i know. ["there are other things..."]

well did my twist thing and realized something new: unlike the split ends i had before, these were strong straight ends that resisted being twisted together, preferring to stick out defiantly on their own - much to my chagrin.

i finished then realized something else: this was the first time in nearly 10 years that i would have short hair

realization 4?: this is the first time ever that i'd have to manage short natural hair. i found 2 pins to pin the front twists back and went on my way.

with a scarf tied around it, i "look[ed] like an activist". boyfriends are the best. unfortunately i could not carry him in my pocket when i went out of town that week to work on super nerd-dom. portable pick me up. bless him!

i proceeded to have a week as anxiety-filled as one in high school. took the twists out to go to hess friday night and felt pretty cool. it was a highlight for my bipolar week.

saturday morning, one week into Short Hair Mal, the Wonder Years, I put on a headband and say "screw it"- I'm old and I dont have to impress anyone. That afternoon, I get a piece of news that puts all other piddly,vain concerns into their rightful inconsequential place. shock will do that.

sunday...with the twists out now it's an unruly, twirly, uneven (cut myself!) afro. i sport a headband and surprise small children everywhere. its wonderful.

but then my grandmother hurts my feelings "de hair lookin' kinda wile" <--(translation) "your hair looks bad ". followed with an intermittent nag "do you want me to comb it for you? let me comb it for you? it needs to be cut". she's the best gran in the world so we made it happen.

for the first time in heavens knows how long, i got a pillow and a comb, sat down in front of my gran, closed my eyes and held my scalp. i asked her if she felt 30 years younger.

when she'd finished, i'd lost another handful and a half of hair and had the biggest globe of hair around my head.

i've been reunited with my fro a decade after i'd last seen it!

upon further reflection, i think black hair is amazing. how many things can we do to it? i pull it out, it springs back. i can fro it, twist it, braid it, dred it, put extensions (shudder), texturize it (not again), straighten it (double shudder), chemically curl it (triple shudder)...

black hair is AMAZING!

recycling 3

2008-05-04T18:11:00.001-05:00

nerd vs nerd
Current mood: crushed

i hope everyone enjoys the new digs, courtesy of my designer boyfriend (ba dum CHING! not from louis vuitton). it came by way of much struggle and heartache.

the conversation went something like this...

me: do you always diss your students' work?

he: no, only when it sucks. and i don't diss their work, i just tell them what's wrong with it.

me: oh thanks! you save the dissing for me!

he: what do you mean?

me: you're always dissing my myspace page!

he: yeah...cus... well.. it sucks

me: THANKS!

he: [tenderly places his hand over mine, looks deep into my eyes and says through his beautiful eyelashes] hon i tell you it sucks because i love you.

me: some love!

----later in the car----

me: i'm still bitter. page hater! [strongest insult i can think of...]

he: well it sucks though! the colours make it hard to read, and you use comic sans-

me: WHAT'S WRONG WITH COMIC SANS?!

he: that's what people use when they want to be cool

me: i don't care about being cool. its my favourite font! i think it's cute! I use it all the time! (having flashbacks of blurting this out at his department barbecue. now i know why his fellow designer gave me such a pained smile)

he: yeah i know. but you need to use something else like

me: i'm NOT using arial or helvetica or stupid times new roman

he: whwhwWHAT?! those are the best fonts! well arial, helvetica and verdana-

me: ok verdana is alright

he: those 3 are the classic fonts... or you can use century gothic. times new roman is too plain

me: yeah i like century gothic.

he: yeah but if you choose it, and some people dont have it on their computer, it'll revert to

me: times new roman and that would suck

he: yeah

me: i can't believe we just argued about fonts. FONTS! you're such a nerd.

he: i'm not a nerd

me: uh, you were just blazing me about the font i use. you're a nerd, hon.

he: well ... i'm a designer. i think of these things.

me: you think of these things and more which is why you avoid my page like the plague. NOW i know why you never post comments in my blog.

he: well i used to wonder why i avoided your page so much. i mean i would read everyone else's. how come i never read my girlfriend's blog?

me: because your subconscious is silently willing the spontaneous combustion of your eyeballs the moment you click my name!

he: that's not-

me: because you have a visceral reaction to my psychedelic colour scheme

he: well.... YEAH! your colours! why..? what made you choose those things? together?!

me: i LIKE those colours!

he: just because you like them, doesn't mean they belong together.

me: well i like purple, and well black... but the lime green is kinda nasty. i just couldnt be bothered to change the code.

he: well it's gotta be changed

me: YOU'RE the designer. YOU change it!

********************************************************

and there you have it. the story behind the making of the new blog. not quite enough to pitch to the networks as a reality show. not enough sex i guess.

the white space kind of irked me at first. i keep waiting for it to fill up with colour... or something. all that emptiness. but the banner is hot because those are my pictures that he jazzed up and made all fancy like.

still waiting for him to swoop in and change my profile so its as snazzy as the blogspace.

i'm still struck by the fact that we had a loud argument about fonts. FONTS.

F O N T S.

recycling 2

2008-05-04T18:07:00.000-05:00

02 Jul 2006

dont expect much from a jamaican restaurant
Current mood: amused
Category: Food and Restaurants

Friday evening, after a tough 2 hrs wandering the rocks at the Scarborough Bluffs, my cousin Crazy Jan (CJ), my boyfriend and I headed for food at Sunrise. Sunrise bills itself as a "Caribbean" restaurant, but it's really Jamaican.

The boyfriend and I order stew chicken dinners and some festivals (aka fry bake/dumplin). CJ is in the washroom when we order. When the bf gets his food, he heads to a table to chow down, and I wait with CJ in line.

She happens to be standing behind a woman who is obviously ordering food for a small army with particular tastes because the cashier is taking 50 years to take the order and get it right. While this is going on, CJ is scouring the menu for something vegetarian. A good clue to veg head fare is the word "vegetable(s)". The only names in which we see the magic word are "vegetable dinner" and "vegetable roti". CJ debates the potential of each item. She's not impressed with the idea of having veggies and rice. She says she needs protein (channa aka chick peas) and she wants something more filling than steamed veggies. She's thinking about having the vegetable roti.

Now, I am a Trinidadian who was raised in Toronto, a Canadian Trini/Trini Canadian, whatever. I know that you should only buy roti from places that have been referred to you by family (or close friends) that you trust - trust with your gastrointestinal tract. I know that, failing that info, you should buy roti from a place that advertises itself as "Trini" or "Guyanese" or even "IndoCaribbean." You should not, under any circumstances, waste good legal tender in the purchase of a roti from a Jamaican establishment. Even though Sunrise bills itself as "Caribbean," I know the history of the owners and I know they are Jamaican. Simple clues like "rice and peas" instead of "pelau" (or some other name for cookup rice) on the menu will tell you that it is a Jamaican esteablishment.

I told her, 'um... dude... I dont think you should have the vegetable roti'.

CJ: No, I think I'll have that

me: oooooooookkkkkkaaaaaaaaay....

I wasn't about to argue with someone who, 30 mins before, had said she was going to faint if she didn't have a meal. When you're hungry, any food decision is right.

We finally get seated. I start to work on my (tough) stewed chicken. I had forgotten that their stewed chicken is just baked chicken soaked in gravy. CJ gets settled, quickly opens her box and takes a large bite of her vegetable roti.

She tilts it towards me incredulous.

CJ: what is this?

me: what is what?

CJ: what is this? this is vegetables wrapped in a roti skin! who eats this? i'm going to tell them something!

me: i told you not to get it. this is a jamaican restaurant. they dont know anything about making roti.

CJ: well i expected there to be curry and channa in here. this is a dry roti skin with steamed vegetables. i'm going to take this back!

me: you go for it!

She wanders back towards the counter holding the box open and far away from her body like its filled with a steaming pile of dog shat. The line has gotten much longer and now includes 2 men from staples. One of them was obviously just released from prison judging by the way he was staring into my cousin's hippie-clad C size cleavage. He would have needed a guide rope to climb back out.

Waving the open box, she decided to bypass the line and try to get the attention of one of the guys behind the food prep counter. While waiting there she shared the story with 2 women. They wanted to know what was wrong with her food and why she was waving the box around. I overheard one telling her "you can't expect much from a jamaican restaurant". CJ replied "well that's what my cousin told me. but i'm not from here! i didn't know that."

Finally the lead guy in the hairnet realized she was waiting and waving the full box of food. Here is what I overheard (plus some of what I was told later).

CJ: what is this? people eat this?

Food Guy: yes

CJ: people pay money for this?

FG: yes

CJ: people from the west indies buy this?

FG: uh huh

CJ: i dont think so!

then

CJ: what are you going to do for me? i can't eat this! this is plain vegetables in a roti skin! dont you have something that has curry but without chicken?

FG: [no]

CJ: you dont have curry without meat?

FG: [no]

CJ: so you're saying all the curry you have has meat in it?

FG: [yes]

CJ: so the only vegetarian items you have are steamed vegetables and rice or this?

FG:[yes]

CJ: well i can't eat this, so what are you going to do for me?

Everyone in the place was listening. The Staples men were enjoying the show. The food guy, bless his heart, gave her a kingfish dinner as a replacement.

She polished that off with gusto. She went back to thank them afterwards saying, "Thanks for that fish. It was really good. But you really have to do something about that vegetable roti. Like take it off your menu. Because who eats that?"

recycling...from the myspace era

2008-05-04T18:05:00.001-05:00

"are we on the myspace?" -Grandad, the Boondocks

13 Jun 2006

what i learned from the men in my life and other revelations
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

---june 7th?

a man can abuse those he should love but then lavish attention and cater to the whims of a child to whom he owes nothing.

a man can abuse someone and then be surprised and hurt that they would actually leave in order to save themselves (and their children) from a rapidly disintegrating environment.

a man can learn the value of fidelity after he realizes that his adult children (from various women) might secretly despise him even though they enjoy being siblings.

a man can be completely unselfish and thoroughly generous when he loves someone even if that love is never returned.

a man can make it to the middle of his life without ever learning about the things it takes to sweeten a relationship.

a man can be a pompous ass for the bulk of his life, but still expect that the children in his life will remain ignorant of his misdeeds, even as they reach adulthood.

a man can essentially wash his hands of the mother of his child, and never contribute to the upbringing of the child, but his family will still tell his child that she can depend on him.

a man can start a relationship with someone who is a perfect match for him, yet screw it all up in cataclysmic proportions.

a man can be a jackass of a teenager and grow into an adult who is an intelligent, caring role model for youth around him.

a man can let his love wander the world to her hearts content and never waver in his love.

a woman can put up with a lot of sh!t. some of it is circumstantial and some of it she invites into her life -even going so far as to lay out the freshly brushed red carpet for this sh!t.

a woman can have a hard life and still be sweet, friendly, patient, giving, generous.

a woman can make a way for herself and become crochety, miserly, bossy and miserable.

a woman can have a relatively easy life yet make life difficult for those who should be closest to her.

a woman can watch the relationships in her life and decide to emulate them, or learn to treat similar situations like gaping potholes in the road - avoid whenever possible.

a woman can kiss someone in whose face she'd rather spit.

a woman can offer her trust to someone who has proven many times over that he is not worth it.

a woman can be patient when all she wants to do is scream.

a woman can roll with the punches while plotting her roundhouse kick in retaliation.

an optimistic traveller can put on off repellant lotion every day religiously and the mosquitoes will STILL find untreated flesh. DAMMIT!

vacillate

2008-04-30T18:11:00.002-05:00

vacillate |ˈvasəˌlāt|
verb [ intrans. ]
alternate or waver between different opinions or actions; be indecisive : I had for a time vacillated between teaching and journalism.
DERIVATIVES
vacillation |ˌvasəˈlā sh ən| noun
vacillator |-ˌlātər| noun
ORIGIN late 16th cent.(in the sense [sway unsteadily] ): from Latin vacillat- ‘swayed,’ from the verb vacillare.

i'm going to be moving home this summer.
i'm going to be moving back to toronto this summer.
i'm going to be leaving home this summer.
i'm going to be packing up my home this summer.

i know i am going. i know it is time to go. i know i have things and, more importantly, people to look forward to at home. but at the same time, i'd rather not leave. or, i'd rather not have to go through the BUSINESS of leaving. packing, selling, taking down, putting out, giving away...

all of that i can do without. but of course, in order for it to be properly done, i HAVE to be involved in the process. can't let someone else do it.

and then there is the human side. i will once again slip into the realm of long-distance family, phone family for all my family here.

it's weird... this anticipation of absenteeism. like dying, but not. i am now beginning to understand what everyone in toronto must have felt as i was preparing to leave.

like they promised me, i'll promise everyone here that i'll visit sometime in the future.

yeah...

swaying like a palm in the breeze...

from anticipation to ambivalence, apathy to acrimony

wha wha!

2008-04-24T18:43:00.002-05:00

finished 100 years of solitude today. it seems to be a collectors edition so there was stuff on the author at the end. it really is an awesome book. i should have taken it to tobago with me to finish. the student was assuming that i've left it to rot under a shelf! it would have been a nice compliment to being peace ( thich nhat hanh).

"races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth" - Garcia Marquez

this made me think of the CHOICE i made to isolate myself. it wasn't a conscious thought to stay isolated... at least i dont think i'm secretly a raging misanthropist. but, i DID have plans (sort of) to go somewhere. told the kids i was coming to watch the game. said i was going to wear our school colours (whatever THOSE are). put on my canadian flag tshirt in trini colours (flag on a black tshirt). felt fat in my jeans (yes i've put on 3lbs this past year). called donita to find out what was up. then decided not to go anywhere.

i lay on a pillow on the tiled floor and looked at the sunny day through the curtain over the door. looked at my car - not moving again. thought of even going over to donita's but then the thought of driving over and then the subsequent drive home... meh. made me think of not going anywhere. maybe its fallout of being hot and bothered. but i wasn't that hot. and i wasnt that bothered... until i thought of the WORK of driving. driving here is real work.

but then, in tobago, i chose not to go out saturday night. the thought of arranging transport (with a friend of friends), getting dressed, spending loot... just made me tired. of course, i wasn't THAT tired... cus i was alert and awake early in the morning. and bored.
had i gone out and partied down the place, i would have slept in... and would have had better memories of the night. even though i was nervous about stranger danger, in hindsight, it still doesn't seem like a good enough reason to justify my hermitness.

fortunately, tomorrow i have paid for tickets to go on a (fundraising) boat cruise. this will be my first boat ride/party on the sea. i've only done boat rides in lake ontario. but, as this has been paid for in advance, then i would forced by my inner miser to actually GO and get my hundred bucks worth.... even though you have to pay for your food and drinks on the ride. but dats ok. i'll eat before!

in other news,
food shortages all over the world.
trinis look for rice
my cable box sucks
my older students would complain about the sun shining if given the chance
gta4 has been hacked 4 days before its release
and there's a new episode of ugly betty and grey's anatomy on tv tonight.

observations

2008-04-20T20:47:00.003-05:00

from my mini vacation in tobago

we can find many ways to make ourselves miserable. the harder part is trying to unravel that misery to come back to a place of comfort in being.

you can be bored even in tobago.

a good beach trip is like alcohol: it makes you feel great! but without the hangover

if trashtalking was a sport, grouchy would be the World Record Holder.

sometimes it doesnt matter what other people are wearing - it matters how you feel about what you've got on.

a good boyfriend is hard to find.

its true: if you find someone attractive and they are drawn to you as well, anything they say sounds wonderful and sugar coated; but if the feeling is not mutual, anything that person says to you is received in varying stages of irritation. so sad.

double booking is never good. everyone involved always feels badly about it.

if given the choice, ALWAYS pick the shade over staying in bed. you'll regret being well-rested and hangover-free in the morning.

its hard to bathe in the sea without getting your hair wet. waves are quite uncooperative.

never overstay your welcome. places can get tired of you too. leave as soon as it your feelings turn from appreciation to boredom. because then appreciating your surroundings becomes work.

http://www.mytobago.info/photos/beaches/brent-courland.htm <--- copy and paste into a browser to see where i got all sandy. its beyooooootifull! and quiet. and empty!!!

the rhombus speaks

2008-04-14T20:35:00.004-05:00

http://i28.tinypic.com/adkx3l.jpg

oh yes. stop smoking.

ear buds = pacifiers

2008-04-11T18:42:00.000-05:00

how so?

think about it

people who are accustomed to listening to ipods 24-7 (ex my students)
will always have them plugged in
even if theyre not listening to anything
JUST IN CASE they have a spare 3 mins to listen, they want to be ready right away
and so they'll always have at least one bud stuck in their ear even if it's off
when i asked them about it, they said cus it was comfortable
ear buds = pacifiers

makes sense

are there adults in your classes/work place who are like this?

100 years of solitude

2008-04-10T19:37:00.004-05:00

i came home today at minutes to 4 thinking of the laundry i had to do and the errands i had to run.

the sun was shining fiercely for once despite the menacing grey clouds from the east. i changed out of work clothes and instead of leaving to go anywhere or take care of anything, i put out a bowl of hagen dazs and granola, pulled out the marquez book and started reading the sunlight away.

i felt rather lonely. there was a lime going on at someone's house this afternoon and i wasn't invited. i had overheard someone mentioning it on the phone, and then 2 other people talked about heading over there once they had finished what they had to do. but i've been too well brought up to presume that i can invite myself to someone's house. and, no matter how excluded i felt, i wasn't about to ask to BE invited.

i'm sure that if i had bothered, i would have been welcomed. but i chose to wallow in the feeling of rejection. it was weird. almost choking. i almost couldnt eat my icecream. and hagen daz is VERY good. it surprised me that i was so upset.

however, by the time i'd finished the icecream, i'd gotten lost in marquez again and was revelling in the silence, solitude and sunshine in which to finish my book. the only noises were the birds in the yard and the renovation on the house down the road.

its interesting to read a book about being/feeling alone around other people and getting shut up in your thoughts, which is exactly what i did...which permitted me time to continue reading the book.

so i guess they did me a favour by not inviting me.

or maybe i wasn't invited because we (me? my mom?) forgot to mail that letter in 2006. i was totally mortified to admit this. but my aunt had found the letter and opened it and i panicked to discover that the person who had just done me a huge favour on tuesday was the person i had failed way back when - and who, consequently, today did not invite me to lime. so maybe this is karma.

maybe this non invitation was a trick of his subconscious - allowing him to be vindictive and get back at me for being a forgetful ass 2 years ago.

probably not though!

upon closing the front door for the night after the sun had set, i noticed it was still a clear night. that's when i felt another twinge of disappointment at staying in for the evening. it was a beautiful clear night , just warm enough and not cold. i wished i had someone visiting who would need a tour and thus give me a reason to drive around, sit on a patio and be out on this gorgeous night.

i guess i could have gone to my aunts' as i had promised my dad i would, but there was always a 50-50 chance that we'd end up sitting inside instead of outside and i'd melt into a puddle of sweat.

plus i dont want to be interrogated about what's going on with my hair and who i'm going to live with upon my return to toronto.

at least tomorrow is friday and saturday is french class ....and perhaps la horquetta part 2.

and maybe, if i'm lucky, after finishing report cards tomorrow after school i can go OUT!

this is actually

2008-04-09T15:13:00.002-05:00

pretty cool!!

no wonder people were trying to touch it today. i never would have let them [i'm NOBODY's chia pet dammit!], but i understand WHYYYY

still hurts a bit though. but just a little.

hairememberance

2008-04-08T21:12:00.002-05:00

traaaaaansitioning

2008-04-08T20:29:00.002-05:00

on outward manifestation of my future geographical transition.
so today i went to get my hair did. DID. for the first time. in 3 years.
it has been 3 years and 2 months since i last gave money to a hairdresser.
and today i plunked down 180TT to get my hair locked.

but that is not quite right.

i started the PROCESS of locking my hair.

which means many things
-it'll take 6months to a year to fully lock
-during this period i cannot wash my hair myself (i shouldnt so that things dont unravel)
-i need to visit the hairdresser every 3ish weeks to get shampooed, treated and re-handrolled
-even though i'll be going to tobago next month, i can NOT dive in the water and get all submerged
--THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF GOING!!!
--i'm going to avoid crown point at all costs. i'll spend the whole time travelling to the argyle falls. steeeeeeeeups

-my head hurts
--she's twirled it up tight and then dried it
--so things are tightening up and over the next few days they'll puff out
but when she was done, i seriously looked like medusa

and as i contemplated what i would look like, the fact that the kids will miss my fro, the fact that the aunties (and possibly my gran) will spaz, the thought of retiring my afro pic, the thought of putting all those scarves away - at least til my hair gets longer- i felt a bit sad.

but of course, if i hate it, i can always shave my head and wait another 4 years for another massive fro.

when i asked people about their process, no one told me about the no swimming part. i figured i'd start things here so that it would cost less and so that by the time winter hits, i should be good. i almost feel i should have just waited til i got to toronto (and paid 6 times the price). the thought of going to tobago and NOT going under the water is causing me physical pain! kind of like indigestion! but oh well. no one told me about the NOT fun stuff.

the hairdresser, maria, was catching jokes off my ignorance and shocked looks to all her answers to my questions.

but, you can't put a toque or a hood on a fro. cant really put a toque on dreads either, but we'll worry about that later. still, my hood is pretty deep, so i'll manage i'm sure.

oh the things we do. i just have to keep thinking about the fact that in a year, i'll have something new and i'll be set.

its kind of like when i went from straight to natural (again). i knew it would take a long time. THAT was a long ass transition. noone thinks of locking as transitioning. people talk about getting dreads as if you just go and pick up the style at the grocery.
-30 minutes and PRESTO!-

yyyyyah.

not so much

GOOOOOO SEAN!

2008-04-07T20:45:00.001-05:00

for lack of a better source

http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/johnnywilliams2/gGBrjn

that is a big A$$ fish!
i didn't know fishing could be so lucrative. i might have to consider taking it up!

oops mah bad

2008-04-07T19:24:00.002-05:00

you've GOT to be kidding me. we knew harper was bad news when he won the election. here it is in black and white.

PM stands by MP despite anti-gay slur

Apr 07, 2008 06:27 PM
Joan Bryden
THE CANADIAN PRESS

OTTAWA–Prime Minister Stephen Harper says he's being high-minded and generous in refusing to discipline a Conservative MP over a vulgar anti-gay slur.

But opposition parties contend that the Tory government is betraying its true homophobic colours by pardoning Tom Lukiwski.

And a Conservative senator says more must to be done – and she plans to raise the matter at the party's caucus meeting Wednesday.

In his first comment on the affair, Harper acknowledged today that Lukiwski's remarks were "completely unacceptable."

But, he told the House of Commons that since the Regina MP has sincerely apologized, the matter is closed.

"He has given an unqualified apology – clear, heartfelt remorse for these actions . . . I believe when such apology and remorse is sought from an individual member, the generous and high-minded thing to do is to accept that apology."

Harper was at a NATO summit in Bucharest last week when a 1991 videotape surfaced showing Lukiwski referring to homosexuals as ``faggots with dirt on their fingernails that transmit diseases."

The video, recorded during a boozy party at Saskatchewan Progressive Conservative campaign headquarters, also shows Brad Wall, now the province's premier, making crude remarks about former NDP premier Roy Romanow and affecting an eastern European accent. Wall, a 25-year-old political aide at the time, has apologized for his behaviour on the video.

Shortly after the video was released Thursday by Saskatchewan New Democrats, Lukiwski apologized. He gave an even more profuse apology the following day in the Commons, making no excuses for his behaviour.

"The only explanation . . . is that I was stupid, thoughtless and insensitive," he said.

Lukiwski insisted he is not homophobic and that the comments do not reflect his beliefs then or now.

In dismissing opposition demands to strip Lukiwski of his duties as a parliamentary secretary, Harper repeatedly emphasized that the comments were made "close to two decades ago."

NDP Leader Jack Layton agreed that Lukiwski's apology was sincere and heartfelt. But he said Harper needs to "send a very strong signal . . . that there will be consequences when minority communities experience this kind of hurtful behaviour."

New Democrat Bill Siksay, one of several gay MPs, said the refusal to punish Lukiwski is part of a pattern of Conservatives failing to stand up for homosexual rights.

"Gay and lesbian Canadians know that Conservatives have never supported our full equality. We fear the attitude in question (about Lukiwski) shows their true colours," Siksay said.

He asked Harper to show leadership on a host of files affecting gay rights, including overturning a Health Canada regulation banning most gay men from donating their organs. Harper said that decision was not taken by the government but by health regulators.

Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said Harper should punish Lukiwski in order "to demonstrate to Canadians that his government rejects those disgraceful comments."

Senator Nancy Ruth, the only openly gay member of the Conservative caucus, said she will raise the issue at caucus Wednesday.

"Apologies are never enough," she said. "There always needs to be action."

Ruth wouldn't say whether Lukiwsi should resign as a parliamentary secretary, but she plans to tell him and caucus that more needs to be done.

In Lukiwski's hometown, meanwhile, gay activists are planning a protest rally tomorrow in front of the MP's Regina constituency office.

Nathan Markwart of the Gay and Lesbian Community of Regina said he finds Lukiwski's apology "a little suspect" given that the MP told the Commons just three years ago that legalizing same-sex marriage could lead to polygamy and social decline.

"Mr. Lukiwski has a pattern of prejudice," Markwart said.

He said Harper's refusal to discipline the MP "is deeply unfortunate but not surprising."

http://www.thestar.com/News/Canada/article/411110

parking lot

2008-04-06T21:57:00.003-05:00

who are the black panthers?

thats a good question. lets put it up in the parking lot.

what's the parking lot?

who can answer that for him?

-its a space for random questions that need answers

yep. its where we put those good questions that need answers, but aren't connected to the topic of the moment. anyone can find the answers. dont just wait for me to tell you! and if someone finds the information, we'll stick it up there so everyone can see.

so are the black panthers like the kk*k but in reverse?

[cue lesson derailment...for a set time of 30 seconds. ha!]

no. here is the black panthers compared to the kk*k in 30 seconds. one group has a history of several hundreds of years of terrorism of blacks and other Others in the United States. they hate...[etc]
black panthers emerged in the 60s and sympathised with socialist ideals of collective empowerment and a recognition of self-worth...[etc] it had its own internal problems too.
but dont take my word for it. we've gone over 30 seconds now. hit a minute even! my truncated account is not enough to do your question justice. so go do some reading.

***NEXT DAY***

[on my desk, neatly written, single spaced, full page]
The Black Panthers. (Student Name)

thank you, (student name), for doing this work. i'll put it up so everyone can see.

big up, big up

2008-04-06T21:49:00.002-05:00

yea you'd never hear a canadian calling in to a radio show saying "i'd like to give a shout out to my boy.... big up snakey!"

excuse me? yes you would! *I* say that. my friends say that. my brother says that. his friends say that.

but yeah, not a canadian. *you're different*, miss.

well am i not canadian?

yeah but you're trini too.

so? canadians come in all colours, shapes and sizes.

yeah but *canadians* wouldn't say that.

what *kind* of canadians? cus i say that...

well...*SOME* canadians wouldnt say that.

do you mean *some* canadians who might live in smaller towns that are not urban and have not yet been exposed to music or culture that uses "big up" or "shout outs", and might possibly be older and therefore not interested in using those phrases at all?

...well...yeah.... but you're getting *too* specific miss.

well you can't overgeneralize. canadians arent just one big stereotype.

but its *fun* to generalize.

yeah well that's the same as saying all white boys are the same. and you are quite clearly very different people. you're not even the same as some white canadian people. so.

...yeah...well...true...

hundred and FIRST!!!

2008-03-31T21:35:00.004-05:00

entrance of the princess at her first birthday party
[never mind the running dialogue in the background.]

i always

2008-03-28T00:29:00.002-05:00

disappoint someone!

tonight it was my mom. apparently they dont sell soup after 11pm at tims. i went to get some chicken noodle soup after watching a movie with michelle. vantage point. its pretty good. decent action fare. some useless parts in the plot though.
well despite the fact that i called 4 times, even pulling into a park to make a call and wait, she never answered the phone BEFORE the movie, so i didn't know if she still wanted it - 4 hours after she had made her request.
apparently, i was to use my telepathy. i mistakenly thought calling 3 different phones in the same house might attract enough attention to address my question.
and despite the fact that i SAAAAAAID i wouldnt make the tims delivery until LATER because i was 2 mins from my friends house in the beaches, i was expected to do it pizza delivery style i guess - 30 mins or its free.
i think that might be a step down from my previous job of Random Tech Support. eh well.

the night before it was the stupid bus driver. i was enjoying the freedom of being a woman travelling 'late' at night on public transit. it was a brisk clear winter night. nice crisp air.
however, i had forgotten the finer details of public transit travel.
i had folded my transfer into my glove so it wouldnt' get blown away by the breeze. it was still a bit wonky when i pulled it out to show the driver. apparently i was supposed to iron it flat and stand at attention while he tried to read every detail.
i was NOT supposed to hold it pressed to my palm by my gloved fingers while slowing heading towards the back. that's what's normally done.
but OH no! i did it wrong.
i was wondering why The Man, representative of Babylon, had to inspect my transfer so closely. i said 'i got off the same bus THEY did' [the 3 women behind me].
he got all defensive and whiney like a small child and said "i was just trying to READ it" {Oh Em Gee, Black Girl! Oh Em Gee! feelings hurt- like ow}.
i offered a halfhearted apology in hopes of mollifying his bruised ego.
then, instead of enjoying the hum of the bus and scarborough lurching by in the darkness, i dwelled on his whiney tone. doubting myself. wondering if i had been too 'harsh' with The Man.
i concluded no i had not.

the night before THAT, i disappointed my gran c/o the caregiver. everyone assumed i was a) coming to the hospital, and more importantly b) bringing The Bag. i, on the other hand knew that even if i managed to achieve a, i was most certainly not attempting to do b.
why?
am i an ungrateful wretch who is so selfish she cannot recall the sacrifices her grandmother made for her for as long as she can remember?
no.
i am a visitor in a house that is undergoing complete and total upheaval. as if a tornado had passed through everyone of the 8 closets and regurgitated the contents of each into the hallways and the living room.
and within this space of migrant homeless objects, i was to find The Bag on The Floor in The Room.
gimme a break. lost cause.
guilt overcame me so much that the morning of my interview, we fought with the various bags to get to THE Bag and go through its contents (also in bags) so that i could take it to my grandmother at night. and take the bus back. in winter. oh joy.
and i would NEVER EVER have found The Bag without the assistance of the person who had packed it. my grandmother has lived here for 30 years. there are MANY bags with her things in them.some are blue, some are black, and several of them were on The Floor in The Room. my two attempts to select the RIGHT bag from the multiple meubles were both horribly incorrect.
and then after my valiant efforts to deliver The Bag and its contents to my grandmother, i was told that they weren't needed because the caregiver had already brought socks. i guess she didn't trust that i'd EVER deliver The Bag. maybe they'll use the Other non-sock items at some point in the near future.

*le sigh*

so disappointing!

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHH

2008-03-15T19:45:00.002-05:00

i'm looking forward to seeing my family and ze boyfriend, but i am SOOOO not looking forward to being cold.
and i'm also not looking forward to packing. so much so that i haven't as yet started.
and its almost 9pm.
and i fly out tomorrow lunchtime.
and i gotta pack stuff to move back.
like all those random christmas presents from the kids.

i have a charger plate!

and a zillion candles.

eh.... law and order is over so i think i'm going to pack now....

uh yeah...

what i want...

2008-03-15T13:58:00.002-05:00

i like chocolate. i love lindor lindts. mildly sweet milky soft chocolate encased in a milk chocolate shell. mm yummy!
can't get lindors down here though.

i have sated my chocolate cravings lately with hershey's cookies and cream. a nice mix of chocolate cookie flavour mixed with white chocolate. so very trini!

haven't had chocolate very often though. finally had a chance to go to the store to stock up on some cookies and cream, and whaddaya know - the white chick in front of me had the only one! well she got there first, so i suppose that's fair.
i had to settle for some chocolate-covered altoids. didn't quite satisfy. i almost feel as if i were cheated out of a good thing.

but, i'll be getting some lindors this week!

so i'm sure i'll feel much better

>;0)

funny / random

2008-03-14T23:00:00.003-05:00

so just before stella came, there was a [dead] lizard squashed on my door. actually when she landed, that's when i discovered poor mr. lizard who was accidentally squished between my bedroom door and the doorframe. yesterday after she'd left, i went into the batroom after talking to her and what did i see in the shower stall? an even larger lizard. looking at me. we had a staring battle, then i ran the shower and it disappeared. those things run fast!

kinda bizarro.

anyway, it was nice to show a friend around town. hema managed to resist the pull of trinidad this march break. but i bet, if i had known about the wonder that is tobago last year and we'd gone there, she'd be on the first plane she could catch.

tobago is kind of addictive. slow laid back pace. beaches all over the place. and every time is a good time. if it wasn't for a variety of family things, i would have stuck with the original easter plan - staying down here, and lounging in tobago for part of my 2 weeks off. eh well. whatever.

everything happens the way its meant too.

besides, i'm going to go on a road trip! to the 'wa!! haven't been there in quite some time. i *think* we're going to Ottawa. that rumour hasn't been confirmed. eh well. it'll be a good time whatever happens.

new fave slows...

Sean Paul - Pepperpot
stupid concept, but sweet lyrics never mind the food analogy. this took me 2 weeks to find. so groovy and sweet!

Chris Brown - With You
sweet lyrics that make SENSE! awwww! "if i got you, i dont need money, i dont need cars".... must not have experienced a canadian winter on public transit. but whatever...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OqumjziPTzk

*no embed link*
at the end of the video they slip from scenes to stupid slow shutter capture filter (?) that looks trippy. like they got to the middle, weren't sure what to do and then did some drugs, and thought a trippy effect would seal the deal.
but then it ends with a first love scene. that look you had for your first Friend in high school - like their presence just saved you from a slow painful death.
i see kids like that at work. there is one couple, they're always together in between classes, but they look unhappy. like - in pain to be together and in pain to be apart. i DONT miss that part of adoloscence one bit.
but the nostalgia is always sweeter than the pain.

be careful what you wish for

2008-03-11T19:56:00.002-05:00

OR, be aware of what you put out into the universe.
God or ....something... is lookin out. delivering just what you need -which is not always what you want- at the right place and the right time.
enjoy and learn from everything.

even hives.
which i have.
and they're itchy.
and thankfully, selective (not ubiquitous) in their appearance.

its also funny when some theories are proven to be true. its sometimes nice for strangers who think they know everything to confirm what you already knew about yourself and your life situation. the only part that sucks is that these strangers then think you OWE them because they have provided this pithy revelation.

hmmph.

what an a##

2008-03-06T17:51:00.002-05:00

2 points to mayor miller for shuttin'er DOWN. can't have city councillors spewing ignorant stereotypes. my favourite line is the one at the end where, when given a chance to apologize/explain himself, ford says he only meant to say ANOTHER backhand compliment. oops!

Ford rebuked for Asian comments

ANDREW WALLACE/TORONTO STAR FILE PHOTO
Councillor Rob Ford, pictured in July 2007.
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Mar 06, 2008 12:09 PM
Vanessa Lu
CITY HALL BUREAU
Mayor David Miller sharply criticized Councillor Rob Ford today for “outrageous and absolutely unacceptable” comments about Asians during a council debate.

Speaking last night during a debate over expanding business openings on holidays, Ford said, “Oriental people are slowly taking over.”

Ford went on to describe people from the Far East as workaholics. “Those Oriental people work like dogs … they sleep beside their machines.” he said. “They’re hard, hard workers.”

Miller denounced the comments, calling on Ford to make a public apology on the floor of council.

“We’re one of the most diverse cities in the world. We don’t stereotype people by the racial or ethnic background in this city,” Miller told reporters this morning after announcing plans for Nuit Blanche, the city’s all-night arts bash in October.

“It’s wrong,” he added. “An elected official should know better.”

When asked what sanctions Ford should face, Miller said he did not have the authority to punish councillors, and he had not had a chance to consider what would be appropriate.

“He has to start by profusely apologizing, Miller said. “It’s unacceptable in this city and unimaginable that you would have an elected official making these kind of comments.”

Asked Wednesday night about his comments, Ford said he meant Asians are further advanced in business than they were a century ago.

http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/310088

love it

2008-03-04T22:52:00.001-05:00

quoting from someone else who left a comment in that blog that i am now addicted to and officially losing sleep over. *bed in 9 minutes*

'There are two types of people in the world; racists and liars.'

how profound.

so instead of blogging myself, i've been reading ....

2008-03-04T21:57:00.002-05:00

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

i always read several posts a day and then almost all the comments. what can i say? i'm a reading fiend. besides, reading funny comments on a funny post is ALWAYS more entertaining than marking. and in case you were wondering how am i getting work done if all i'm doing is studying a blog, i read while i'm cooking or in between doing other things.

anyway, tonight i finally responded to a post from january.
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/36-breakfast-places/

i figured since i wasn't putting anything new in here but i spent so much time on my reply, i may as well paste it here. can't believe it got so long!

*********~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~**************~~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~

i’ve been reading this blog and passing it on to anyone i think will get a slight kick out of it since my friend from Saskatchewan passed it on to me last week. he’s white and he finds it hilarious.

i read this post and read the comments thinking ‘if i wasn’t so lazy i’d mention cora’s’. #47 was my motivation. people really do PLAN to show up and line up at coras. and pay $10 for parking. i know people who have driven 45 mins from outside the city in order to wait just as long -or longer- to get a seat and have some average breakfast. and our table had the highest population of non-whites in the place. i did see another black person, but it turned out they were joining our party.

ditto for when the bf and i tried to “do” sunday brunch a couple of times last spring. We were east of Toronto, and in 3 different places we tried on 3 different occasions, we were the only black people in the joint. it was the strangest thing in the world. like we accidentally missed the non-white rapture in the night.

i DO know where i can find black/non-white people eating breakfast food 24-7 though. Markham Station. Serving sinners straight from the clubs in their best gear at 2, 3, 4, 5am. you actually have to wait 30 mins if you go at 4am on a Sunday morning.

this is also where you will see cops on break hanging out while 2 carloads of teens beats the crap out of one unarmed teen. in full view of the cops. did i mention they were white cops? and the teen wasn’t? ….white i mean.

and #50 is bang on. in the winter, its the sweats tucked into the damn uggs. in the summer, its flannel or tna or lululemon over furry birkenstock clogs.

i think this breakfast habit is developed/nurtured when white folks go (45mins to 4hrs) Away To University/College. on sundays when the dishes from saturday nights house party still look like sculpture accented with cigarette butts, beer caps and cans of molson, there is nothing more comforting than the thought that all 4-6 of you can pile into your roommate’s inherited corolla and head to the local diner/pancake house/greasy spoon and get a pile of comfort food for whatever change you can scrape from under the car seats. it doesnt matter that it’ll hit your stomach like a brick. it only matters that you’ll have a great memory of getting breakfast together after a night you don’t *quite* remember in its entirety.

i know this from being one of the 2 non-white people in that car. the other was my best friend that i was visiting for the weekend who had gone Away To School.

oddly enough, she stopped doing the breakfast thing when she moved into a house where she wasn’t the minority.

`presenteeism:' the lights are on but nobody's home.

2008-03-02T23:15:00.002-05:00

"It's the same thing as when you're not mentally functioning at your peak," says Jurgens. "You're not on task, you're easily distracted. It's a wider phenomenon than absenteeism."

One theory says that only people who tolerate the cold can stay in such a place, and over eons you get a very hardy group, says Levitan, who studies the role of genes in adapting to seasonal changes.

Meanwhile, we cope by sleeping and eating more, though it's not entirely clear how a plate of creamy risotto and duck confit helps relieve winter boredom (it has something to do with dopamine).

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ideas/article/308542

so that's the excuse for low productivity in canaydiuh when it hits the winter months. the article says that people in iceland dont have the same problem. but they dont have hot summers like we have in canadia.

in trinidad what's the excuse for absenteeism? or presenteeism? a general laziness? i'm just as bad as the next person. i've mentally planned my next use of my personal days for the purpose of maintaining my mental health in the 6 week stretch of no holidays from april to may.

but as for the rest of it? i get lots of vitamin D thanks to the fact that the sun has a fairly direct line of attack at this latitude. my mother was not ....pleased... to hear about me waking up to the sound of my neighbor doing laundry outside and the birds twittering and the increasing heat in my room due to sunlight outside. she responded in a tone that said 'yeah THANKS a lot for telling me that'.

later i learned that toronto had another weather hell week: -20 to -30 and a snowstorm on friday that delayed traffic all over the place during rush hour.

as the kids said in montreal in november 'MISS ITS COOOOLD! how do you people LIVE here?!?!?!?!'

we responded that that's why we moved to trinidad.

unconvinced, they said 'YEAH, but you're moving BACK!!!?!'

so true, young socrates, so true.

next year if anyone is looking for me during winter, i'll be curled up in a ball, rocking in a corner, with my ipod plugged in blasting 2k8 soca and mumbling "its so cooooold! its so cooooooold!!!"

i definitely appreciate every day of sunlight as my time here draws to a close. its not to say that i wont be back. but living here and visiting are two different things as everyone knows. (see my tour guide post for more on that)

at work though we definitely feel the drudge. i would like to say that its because as canadians we're programmed to equate sunny days with vacation times and not with work times so we loathe being at work when teh sun is shining - because that happens so rarely throughout the year. apparently 18 months of living in the tropics isn't enough to undue our psychological makeup.

OR it could be post carnival depression. not everyone participates in all the festivities, but its hard not to get caught up in it in some way shape or form. and of course, you get 3 days off in that whole deal.

toronto needs to pick up some holidays. trinidad has at least 1 a month (with the exception of april this year). sleeping in or liming one day extra a month is good for your health, in my professional opinion.

yeesh.
i shouldnt be up now. but i am. eh well.

rrrrrrrrandomness

2008-03-02T20:51:00.002-05:00

omg.
i think i'm old.
i always give that as the excuse when i forget stuff or screw things up in class. but the kids never buy it cus they have teachers who look (and are) much older than me.
but really i think i'm old.
so domesticated.
made a nice healthy dinner.... did work....washed dishes right away!
or maybe i'm just productive.
eh well.

i had better thoughts earlier in the day for more interesting writing but those thoughts have disappeared into the ether.

my new favourite site to read is www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com.
HIGHlarious. never has gross generalization seemed so spot on... and been so entertaining! and of course, it has spawned other grossly generalizing sites of other stereotyped groups.

some of my fave songs from c2k8

2008-02-22T21:10:00.002-05:00

Rollin and Blazin de trail
I have a strong feeling that this song will be used for a zillion and one cardio classes at gyms across North America after toronto's caribana season....*le sigh*
memories of Sashy Poo
Rollin would have been road march for SURE if the season was longer. and i would have totally lost my voice. again.

Kes Right Dey - my first fave of 2k8

Problem Child Party Animal
props to kassav for having the original song.
yet another song with instructions. good for when you're drunk. hello zoelah.... its nice to know yuh...

Zoelah Go Down Low
yet another song i can't listen to while driving because i start to dance.

Patrice Mo Wuk

Zan Out on de Road
only including it because a: this is from insomnia, aka my birthday party; b: this song needs to sung with several hundred people; and c: cus its the only vid i could find =0/ if there is a better one, please send me the link and i'll update.

Machel and PItbull -Defense at AC
we were to the left of the stage in all that madness. i just need to hear the horns and then i gotta break out!
Easy nooooooow!

Bring It Hunter and Bunji on the remix

a bit of Hunter being wicked at Blue Range Cooler Fete.... this is what I missed when I was in the portolets!

you ran through my mind and other musings

2008-02-22T17:05:00.003-05:00

whta does that mean exactly?
i love how the verb is projected onto someone else - away from the actual person doing the thinking. why wouldnt a person say "i just thought of you?" eh well

**********

i went by my cousin's house yesterday in celebration of his 27th birthday. this 6'4 grown man spent 15 mins talking to the family puppy (dog #2), Buffy, as if Buffy was a small child.
[read in a Barry White rumbly voice with an east Trini accent]
"how yuh lookin so buffy? buffy? i talkin to you! look! we have people comin here and i bathe you just 3 days and yuh lookin so! what is this in your hair? LOOK! go and get your comb. GET YOUR COMB!"

[after he retrieves a plastic brush from somewhere in the house, he brushes Buffy's hair while continuing to chastise the puppy]

So yuh come home from school an' yuh just play play. yuh have to come home, do yuh schoolwork, study yuh books, play a little bit, then go to bed. None of this rolling into things just so..."

I hope Buffy learned his lesson.

*************

i found out kwesi's close friend from the neighborhod is actually his father. his REAL father. all those times they were liming together, he was actually sticking close to make sure kwesi kept out of trouble... to keep an eye on him. never mind that kwesi is 27 adn the friend is 31. apparently those are small details. who knew?

**************

student: miss, you are blocking the whiteboard. [she cant see what is being projected]
me: sure, sorry. [stepping right. directly in front of the projector]

at least i was no longer obstructing her view of the board! that was definitely my least intelligent moment this week.

************

i was in the local paper. FINALLY! this year i was in one paper for carnival and in another as an attendee of an art show. we're having a great staged conversation in the photo. celebritah!

************

the news just showed police in attendance of a public forum where people in a certain neighborhood are pleading for protection because they fear for their safety... and the police officer in the front is so asleep he's nodding right into his chest. his family must be SO proud of that moment. too bad none of his friends tried to wake him up. that's almost a metaphor for the police services in that village i guess. 'uhhh we would have responded to your cries for help, but we were asleep on the job'. *shrugs*

************

what is "multimedia filtration"? blue waters advertising team is full of crap.
"we filter all our water through many stages. in the final stages we use the horns of purple unicorns. only purple. never pink."

not much of a geek

2008-02-19T23:29:00.001-05:00

34% Geek

a nerd maybe, but not much of a geek...

and,

16

the wild and wonderful world of caribbean tour guides

2008-02-14T17:09:00.003-05:00

tour guides are actors. they have to put on a show that lasts 2 to 6 hours at a time - sometimes longer if there are unforseen delays. they have to sell a little bit of themselves coated in a heavy dose of their customers perceived stereotypes in order to make their bread and butter. i would love to do a paper on the weird ephemeral dynamics of the relationships of tour guides.

tour guides have to hustle for customers all day everyday if they hope to make a profit. then, if they dont own their own boat, they have to pay to use a boat and its crew. and hopefully, the boat will match the fanciful tales they've spewed to the unsuspecting tourists who have pledged money to be entertained.

if there is inclement weather, or problems with food or sickness, then there are other things to deal with. its like pledging to host a party every day. people always remember the behaviour of the host and the food. you can cover up most things with booze. seasoned hosts know this. our tour guide attempted to do the booze cover up too. the funny thing is, tourists who are stereotypical one-off tourists can be fooled by the booze trick because that fits with their idea of the party-loving wild and crazy caribbean personality. never mind the fact that Mr. Guide said, "i dont want you to be drunk while you snorkel". ten minutes into the trip he happily pours "rum punch" to all the passengers. and then 15 minutes later, he instructs the captain to pick up speed to make up lost time and we all attempt to either down our drinks or watch as the red concoction (not actual rum punch) flew out of the cups and all over the white boat. all this happening 40 mins before we reach snorkel spot #1.

on a side note: physics really comes into play here. you have waves going at their own speed. a boat powered by two revving engines going AGAINST the waves. people sitting at various points in the boats, holding cups with red liquid. the waves, the boat, the people, the cups and the liquid are ALL moving independently of each other. this becomes obvious when the boat hops and your body takes its time slamming down into the (mecifully) padded seat, and your hand comes down and the liquid in the cup eventually follows - some of it making it back to the cup and some of it making it all over the place.
the captain and three unsuspecting passengers in the middle of the boat got a "rum punch" dousing when our friend in the front decided she had finally lost the fight with physics. just like when you throw something out of a speeding car in the front and it whips into the back, the 3 passengers ended up with red jouvert splatters on their white tops.
but hey, they were boozing it up all day so by the end we were all "friends". we even have pictures with them.

and that's the other thing. you spend a day drinking, dancing, hanging on for dear life, shivering, and having conversations in internationally accented english, you feel you have a bond. a bond that transcends race, nationality and even class - cus heck, we all had to fork over the 80US (480TT) to take the tour. i had a random pair of old white men walk over to me after lunch and ask to take a picture with me. i felt like i had joined the circus... or stepped back 200 years. but what do you say? we are comrades in arms. fellow tourists who are linked via the thin thread of shared financial means (if only for a day). he can tell all of his friends that he took pictures with a native. a young beautiful native that they filmed dancing to african drums with her ethnic hair and her authentic wrap.

later on, [stereotypical](white) tourists LOVE this!, they started a C O N G A L I N E. with people dancing badly. i hid on a tree branch. and filmed my friends in their glorious tourist moment. i can't let go of my sese training and step outside of my embodiment, nationality, location, history in order to enjoy this banal activity. that conga line was followed with some limbo dancing. my friend tried to coax me off my tree branch but i wasn't having it. dont rope me into your neo colonialism!!

[fast forward 6 hours later when we had a wining conga line going at the shade. different people, different setting. i joined because i didn't feel like that was such a performance of my embodiment and the stereotypes some of those old crusty tourists had of me. ]

back on the boat after the lunchtime fete on no man's land, people were feeling quite liberal after having had copious amounts of the alcohol they had paid for (all you can drink he said). "you're a @#$%ING LEGEND!!! YEAH!" people decided to continue dancing. on the boat. earlier, the captain had removed some of the bags that had been piled up behind the windscreen for safekeeping saying that he couldn't see with all the things in front of him. even at 6'4, visibility can be an issue when things are stacked against you. however, the now very drunk, and of course, highly intelligent people, decided to dance AT THE FRONT OF THE BOAT. they managed to do 3 things: bring down the nose, put weight in the front to counterbalance the heavy back end, and completely impede the captains sight with their flailing arms. yes.

i stayed back wondering how he was managing to get where he was going without crashing or going offcourse. that's when i noticed the GPS. good thing. the drunken revellers assumed that i was hanging back because i was a better dancer. natch. HA! LOL but really, i was hanging back because i realized dancing wildly in the front didn't make any sense. plus, the boat was moving. and i had already had a slight bit of motion sickness. and i'd already had enough difficulty dancing in sand that moved under my feet - dancing on a slightly bucking boat was not one of my fave ideas. after much coaxing and cajoling on their part, i was persuaded to join in the madness - provided i could hold onto one or both available railings.

and after all that wildness, all the smiles, the spilled booze, the food, the bad dancing, what happens with the actors? our tour guide, and boat crew? they finish smiling and shucking and jiving [and ogling when they score on with a "bess ting" or two on the trip]... and they have to clean and put away and refuel and lock up.

they had to spend the day finding fun wherever possible. being hospitable. being aloof or telling outright lies. whatever necessary to hold onto a bit of themselves after spending the day with yet another group of strangers. i wonder how that affects their non-acting life. if everyone is an ends to a means, everyone represents a $, then how do you relate to the more permanent fixtures in your life? is it always shucking and jiving? and how do you not feel hurt when yet another 6 hour friend flies away at the end of the day?

is it a bit like selling yourself for a price? i guess you learn not to be so honest so that what you sell is a different picture, a different caracture, every time - and NOT your self. i would imagine that could get quite tiresome. that's probably why when i go back and see people i've "known" previously, they're so happy to see me. because i'm not a stereotypical white tourist who's here-today-gone-tomorrow. it might also be because i'm not a stereotypical white tourist - so they can do a little less shucking and jiving.

more on this later...
or not...

joys of being human

2008-02-14T16:20:00.004-05:00

well carnival season is over so all that anticipation and wind up that has been building since christmas is over and done with. at least, not until another season. the nice thing about being human is that there are a zillion choices to make.
do i wear all of my costume? or only part of it?

do i drink enough to stay hyper and hydrated? or do i drink to get my money's worth (and suffer the consequences)?

do i wine with that person over there who looks like they can throw LEVEL waist? or do i stay back like a prude in carnival?

and of course, when its all over, do i wallow in self pity over the end of the good times or do i throw myself back into work?

well that's an easy one. work sucks! lol work doesn't suck really. i enjoy my job even when the kids are spastic, but it's hard to work when you know that you could be doing many other things... on a beach... in the sea... whatever feels like vacation =)

anyway, turning 28 has been great. carnival was great. jouvert was BES'!! and i'm still being told that i look 17 right through. i am now getting old enough to appreciate that fact (and suffer the consequences!).

the end of carnival season is more anticlimactic for me than new years because it's a MUCH greater high involving a longer party season, more intermitent vacation days and a greater emphasis on FUN.

now i have to adjust to regular sleeping times, not wearing makeup every other day and having a guest-free house. no one and nothing to blame for any messes now. now its just me and just another day.

yikes...er....ho hum...

2007-12-29T20:31:00.000-05:00

apathy is catching.
today i'm going out.
again.
but i think i feel to just stay home.
and do a little bit more of nothing.
i've done quite a bit of nothing...and a little something with my day.
now i'm picking an outfit (mentally) and watching american idol rewind. THAT is painful.
waaaaaaay! *said trini style
i never really watch this show, but my word! the things these 3 have to sit through!
p a i n f u l performances.

cro bar was fun last night. i felt like such a trini... like candace! i was seeing people i knew all over the place. good times.

maybe that's why i dont want to go out tonight. i fear that nemo will not be as fun as cro bar was last night.

apathy is catching.

i blame kelvin for this bout of antisocialness!

what matters again

2007-12-28T19:46:00.000-05:00

today i went to my cousins wedding. it was wedding part 2 for the trini side. she had already had a ceremony in germany in august. it was still good times. her husband is good people and his family is great.

watching the hoopla of the reception that hosted upwards of 100 people, i was reminded of my conversation with kelvin this week. we have tossed wedding party numbers back and forth for quite awhile. practicality vs courtesy and the whole she-bang.

one snafu of having a large-ish-esque wedding is arranging seating. i was 30 mins early for hte ceremony and it started 30 mins late. so, when some of my aunts suggested stopping for "tea" at a nearby hotel instead of rushing straight to the reception, i jumped at the opportunity.

lo and behold, when we arrived at the reception 20 mins after the appointed start time, it had, indeed started!
all the tables were full.... sort of. my carload (4 people incl me) scrambled for seats back and forth across the hall, blocking people's view of the speeches and festivities in the front. as the situation grew increasingly awkward, i was quite ready to turn around and leave. i would not have had a problem with that at all. it's not my wedding, they know i cared, and that was enough for me. eventually we found seats and after some bargaining actually managed to secure a group together.

now i know why some families like to list the table groupings by the door. that way, you dont have to feel like you're showing up for the opening of transformers and you need to save seats.

because we were "taken in" by random people (and some begrudgingly), we didn't really exchange more than 3 words with the other 6 people at our table. i know nothing about them except for the senior folks were much more courteous than the ones my age. likewise, they would probably pass me in the street.

my aunt and i had a chat about wedding size. she said hers was a gargantuan affair in order to please her ailing mother. she had "switched off" for the whole thing, barely remembering any details. i told her about the numbers we (kelvin and i) had been bandying about and why. she would have prefered a no frills, low key affair herself.

one question i had in regards to planning and inviting people to such an "auspicious occasion" is this:

does it matter to the other people that they be there for the moment?

or

does it matter to you that those people are there?

because on the one hand, you have to invite dick and harry (and their partners and children) solely because you invited tom and you dont want the other 2 (and their entourages) to feel bad; or you believe that dick and harry (& co) truly EXPECT to be invited therefore you are OBLIGATED to invite them.

on the other hand, you can keep things as small or as large as you want with the reasoning that every single person who is in attendance is absolutely crucial to your complete happiness in that moment.

do you really need to invite everyone on the work baseball team? probably not.
great aunt imelda? perhaps
your mother? yes. ...or not. who knows.

i thought i would have to invite my whole family BECAUSE that is the done thing. But, i'm thinking, especially after having attended 2 family weddings this year, and hearing all the behind the scenes business, i might really be able to keep it small because what you will remember is why YOU were happy.... not why harry and paul are upset because they weren't invited.

we can send out "intimations" a la auntie donna mae. via email. HA!

what matters

2007-12-28T19:36:00.000-05:00

-one-
watching too much tv one day*, i saw a movie with some guy who was trying to work his way back into a normal life after dealing with addiction or something. anyway, a therapist/preacher guy asked him "is your life important?"

and the dude stuttered to answer it. the preacher/therapist guy explained that he believed HIS own life mattered because he felt the work he did with people and their traumas would have a lasting impact on the future. so, even though it was somewhat depressing, it was rewarding, and, he felt, significant, because through his work, he felt his life made an impact.

so i changed the channel.

and i thought about it. i think my life matters. i'm pretty sure it does. sorry. i think what i do, my purpose for living is important. but i think that teachers, doctors, preachers, counsellors, nurses- anyone in a profession that involves critical levels of trust - has a bligh on answering that question because the nature of our professions is terribly significant.

i became a teacher partly because of teachers i DID NOT like. a student told me she wanted to become a teacher after taking my class. my profession, even on autopilot, has an impact.

and if i wasn't teaching... would my life still be important? i think so, yes, simply because of the relationships i have with my family and friends. some of my coworkers, upon hearing that i wont return next year, have asked about the situation and asked about what would possibly change my mind. that tells me that they value my being.

sometimes you get a sense that you're just floating around making less of an impression than a pinball pinging through a machine. even with religion and connectedness to a higher power, you're still at risk of feeling like flotsam because religions ask you to submit yourself - lose yourself- in order to become more *you* in _____. that release can trigger a weightlessness a futility akin to a whoosing, rapidly deflating hot air balloon.

so, is your life important?

blessings!

2007-12-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

so i didn't really keep up with that happy moment every day thingy. sorry oprah

today's happy moment:
i cleaned my house au naturale with tea tree oil, vinegar and limacol in water. no hard water film or stickiness and the fresh-zingy disinfectantness of alcohol + tee trea oil. mmm!
but then afterwards, i put my wedges on, went outside with my mop, rinsed it out and hung it up to dry.

outside.

in my wedges.

and short skirt.

and tank top

in december.

trinidad is GGGGGGGGGREAT!

the cutest kid ever

2007-12-15T14:31:00.001-05:00

happy moment or something

2007-12-13T19:47:00.000-05:00

so yeah...
yesterdays happy moment was...
with my grimy history class again. we had some jokes about something.

today it was waking up FREAKING early just for one special person on staff. i was at school at 620!!
SIX TWENTY AM.
that is ridiculously early.

had an encounter with someone who should have kept their yap shut. and she's old enough to have some damn tact, but hey.
and other pissy moment was being blamed by a student in my grimey history class for HIS procrastination.
you've GOT to be kidding me!

happy moment: as always, with my first period darlings. they're always jokes.
they made a "sexy" *recycled* paper chain to decorate the christmas tree.

oh so nice!

actually, the whole morning was great from 620 until 920 with the exception of that person who should have kept their tactless comments to themselves. the breakfast was wicked. and no, i didn't eat any of my popcorn. as i figured, it was devoured during third period.

actually i think the best was when our Random Champion in the first class made a totally random comment followed by some non-sensical mumbling to herself. The student next to her made a face of UTTER confusion and her immediate neighbours froze and stared in a moment that was PRICELESS.

i busted a gut.
*tee hee!*

happy moments

2007-12-11T17:52:00.000-05:00

taking a page from oprah's latest idol, ms. gilbert, i will attempt to record my happiest moment of the day.

from what i recall, it was joking around with the grade 9s in my first period class while we were trying to make a christmas ornament. he objected to my decision to recycle their project posters. i offered to let him kiss the poster before the girls cut it to shreds (literally), to which he eagerly complied. ... but i couldn't see, because i held the poster at arms length in front of me to make it "wave" and talk back to him... "showing" appreciation in its last moments, you know.

there was a crappy moment on the way home, and some complainy moments throughout the day.

oh wait!
i think that was matched by the cold war codes activity in my grade 10 class. unfortunately i had screwed up some of the book code. but its always fun to watch them have fun with something that is still technically *course*related. and when some of them who got stumped on more obvious codes... "The Cold War" gave one student the biggest headache. Likewise "Secret Code".
they got to be spies and stress their brains too! =D

oh em gee miss! OH EM GEE!

2007-11-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

Canada is pretty flippin cold.
i was in T.O. last week checking on the gran-maternal unit. had a little bit of a cry on the plane when i realized i'd be coming back to ye olde stomping grounds and grandad wouldnt' be there to ask me about the flight, customs, my kids, the admin, the school, my coworkers, politics [POLITICS!], or whatever else he could think of.
it's going to really freak me out when i forget what his voice sounded like.

bed sores are gross. they are the most disturbing thing i have EVER seen in my life. a bed sore is a hole in your skin. if you are in the hospital and need to be cleaned (regularly, not just daily) and turned by others, have someone else who is not a nurse be in there at least 8hrs a day. because if you dont, moisture accumulates and causes your skin to disintegrate [DISINTEGRATE] in areas of great pressure. and will deteriorate even all the way to the bone. as if someone decided to take an icecream scoop to your butt cheek and just dig right on through. w.t.f.

i appreciate public health care, but there are good dedicated people, and there are people who do what they have to do. those people in the second group are the ones that cause the deterioration of the trust we place in the public health care system.

i digress.

while in T.O., i got to hang out with the uni peeps. GOOOOOOOD TIMES! and saw my beautiful neice. and, oh yeah, got to see the bf, the bf, the other bf and my family.

this weekend i'm in montreal. supervising a school trip. luckily i had a nap this afternoon.
while on lights out duty, i saw an interesting guy not from any school, but looking for a lime with my students.

then he tried to pick me up.

"sooo..... what's your name?"

"i'm their teacher."

"oooooooooooooh..."

*cue exit of Slimy McSleezekins*

then another group of girls (steups) not from our school, begins plotting to trick their teachers and have a one room jam.
but they're outlining the plan right behind their door. which is not soundproof.

so

i went to the end by my room and waited.
sure enough, one of the girls peeked her head out to see if i was gone, and saw me. i told her to go to bed.

another boy, who didn't know i was still out, had a heart attack that i could see through walls and knew he was not in bed. in his room.

tres funny.

after laffing, i went and explained that despite his guilty conscience he was actually NOT the one who was in trouble.

*heh heh*

off to check again!

bloglettes

2007-10-31T15:31:00.001-05:00

bloglette: (n, f) [blAhg' letz] the diminuitive more chatty version of the mini blog entry, also called 'bloglet' (n, m)

saturday morning
at school AGAIN. this time to do work for some hours. research. with kids who had been partying up a storm the night before. their sadsack faces and lacklustre movements pushed me beyond sympathy and well into amusement. i stopped feeling sorry and started cracking up! good times

then, we finished early and one kid was stuck waiting for her mom. while liming With The Teachers, she confessed that after taking my course last year, that was when she decided to be a teacher.

who needs red bull? pfft! that was the BEST compliment i've received all year... and definitely the best compliment of my professional career. oh yes. i got to inspire someone to join the ranks of the education warriors. =D
i had to work really hard not to smile like an idiot while she was still there cus she already felt self conscious, poor thing.

slept all afternoon with a massive headache. who knew my head could rival my uterus in pain causing abilities?

6 hrs rest and half a midol later (i had no panadol), got dressed for eyes wide shut. debated going scandalous and decided against it. at the party, i limed with j and her gentleman of a bf, who, every time he got a drink for HER, he brought one for ME.
but
i'm a dancer, not a drinker
so a small liqueur, a baileys and 3 rum and cokes later, i was toooooooooooooooasted.
had a good time. stopped drinking when i had to concentrate to walk. its been a LONG time since i consumed that much alcohol.
and i had had salad for dinner.

got home at 330. slept from 330am to 300pm.

in my party clothes.

in my living room.

only woke up twice to answer the phone (and have a coherent conversation that i dont recall) and use the washroom.

the world stopped spinning at about 345pm.

now i know how long it takes my liver to work when i am totally dehydrated. i didn't drink water before passing out, nor did i attempt to drink any when i woke up.

halloweenograms
were never so much work. i swear. i dont remember staying 5 hours after school to finish them and still have them screwed up at the end. eh well. many lessons learned for next time. including the lesson that i really cant simply trust that the Future of this Nation will have their ish organized from A to Z.
not to mention having to deal with the incessant racist and otherwise ignorant comments from the person in charge. who would NOT stop talking.

to come home and STILL have to work on a bag for delivery the next day.

and STILL not have the program i need to do report cards. which are supposed to happen tomorrow... or start happening tomorrow.

halloween
started bumpy but went off without a hitch. highly amusing were the group of "crackheads". who plans to come as a crackhead?
i wanted to be a sorceress but i lacked hair creativity. so once again, people had no idea what i was supposed to be.
and neither did i.

but its all over! now i just have to watch out for the freaks and ghouls on the road tonight.

[like weird man in striped shirt who decided to follow me up the street.... yeah. ]

long azz day

2007-10-21T02:28:00.000-05:00

my stupid alarm clock is broken. damn debbie travis canadian tire wannabe martha stewart chic crap!
S T E U P S!!!!!!!

first: all day at school.... from minutes to 7 until 445.
selling junk. haggling with people - or refusing to haggle as the case may be. it's a FUNDRAISER! the money isn't going into our pockets. if we had wanted to GIVE stuff away, we would have spread the items out on the side of the beetham highway =|

a student from our SCHOOL even tried to rip us off.

so. ultra. classy.

home to bathe, nap, plan the outfit for the night, then get dressed to "party" with the old people. and they all knew that the oldie party was a bump on the road to our night on the town. they were pleasant. even jovial. and humourous. but old. bless them. one day i'll get there. one lady was even wearing her dress inside out. INSIDE OUT!
that's when you know you wear too much synthetic floral print clothing - it all looks the same

efforts to leave at a reasonable time were thwarted by some indecisiveness/confusion and all around poor communication between several parties.

fortunately, i got the car parked at seconds to 11, and we were super ultra grown and sexy, so they let us in free. a cousin of one of our coworkers can't handle his alcohol (reminiscent of another staff member from years past). he soon started grabbing me more than necessary (which was every time he touched me. 1 touch is more than necessary), and spilling his drink.

the last straw came when he came up to me for the upteenth time to tell me that my revealing dress was "simply incredible". so moved was he by this recurring epiphany that he dropped an entire FRESH screwdriver -cherries and all- at my feet. which splashed on my leg and the ankles of about 5 other women standing near by.

then,

he did the drunky stumble step backwards into a crowd of girls that had been dancing next to us for quite some time.

it was at that point that i decided the guys needed to be put on notice of his condition and he should be forced to SIT and drink water, since he was obviously incapable of simultaneously standing AND drinking anything that wasn't in a sippy cup.
yes, i had to go into momma mode. i was the DD for the night so i was straight enough to be annoyed at and embarassed for our [new] friend Drunky.

we finally connected him with a glass of water, and he stopped pawing at me and started fawning over another female in our group. classy.

besides drunky mcdrunkins, the night was pretty good.

interesting fact: 2 larges cups of cranberry juice (diuretic), 1 rum and coke (diuretic), 1 large cup of gingerale and 1 large mouthful of red bull (caffeine - diuretic that tastes like ass) = me with pasties.

i was wondering why my mouth was so dry and i was hot and thirsty - without having consumed anything illegal.

now i've just finished eating 2 homemade choco chip cookies at 345 and still rubbing tiger balm on the sore parts.

all in a days jaunt

funnies

2007-10-19T20:43:00.001-05:00

i saw this on tv.... and then went to youtube to look for it and send it to all my office worker friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCsLITgWzTI

this week's update

2007-10-19T20:14:00.000-05:00

vonage does 3 way calling? who knew? had a great chat with my mad cousin and my partner in crime.

then, in SisterSpeak, had another 2 hour marathon update session with my sister from another mother. every time. always on a school night. always WAAAAAAAAAAAY past my damn bedtime! always informative and hilarious =D

attended the football match the savannah. left the match covered in mud up to my knees. me and everyone else. FINALLY started to understand the serpentine beast that is maraval road...or is it long circular? anyway, the mud that i thought i had washed off was only the top layer. once i stepped out of the car in Bougierslie plaza, i discovered a thin layer of mud all over my manicured toes.

super classy. =|

almost flashed the world (2 female students) when a gust of wind took my wrap dress flying in different directions one afternoon. the ONE day i dont wear shorts or a slip underneath. the O N E day!!! i figured my giant boyshorts were bigger than my bathing suit anyway so it should have been ok. i so did not want to be marilyn monroe.

domestic adventures part #54
made an apple cucumber salsa (emptying the crisper was never so much fun) to go with my budget salmon filets. this was accompanied by diced carrots and sliced broccoli sauteed in butter, and angel hair pasta. mmmmm. culinary exploration!

went to dance class and busted my ass AGAIN. had a small moment of success cus she wanted us to do a pelvic move while walking. i was the only one who got it. THAT kind of stuff i can do. separate the parts and have me do something, fine. try to have me do 9 things with my body in quicktime all at once: not happening.
i figured out the reason why i dont get it- besides the fact that it's a different style - is she only explains stuff twice. she rarely shows us because she cant. i'm not used to learning a 16 part routine by someone only telling me twice.
...
steups.
...
but i'm also super out of practice.
"falls"* will slowly kill my spirit. they will. freakin martha graham and her contemporary modern style.
*a routine i can never do right. ever.

evacuation # 42. good times. i learned from the one 2 weeks ago. i've started carrying the ole' house keys in my school bag. so THIS time, i wasn't S.O.L. when they said we could leave. you're not supposed to carry bags with you. so i've gotten in the habit of carrying just my keys. that way, instead of fuming at the side of the road in the hot sun waiting for the school to be cleared, i can go home, bathe, chill and wait for a phone call "all clear".
which is what i did.
...
and, i got to share the fruits of my cooking adventure with my friend who had to camp out at my house waiting for that call.
more importantly, i got to watch my soap. from start to finish.

i also turned mothers against their sons and made children out to be liars. all in a day's work.

oh! that's what i forgot to tell the man:
saga at the grocery store.
someone needs to tell old people that it is illegal to make people wait in line behind them for more than 15 mins for non-emergency situations.
old people also need to be informed that you should only hand a cashier the credit card you REALLY want to pay with... not the one you SORTA want to pay with. cus once it's been swiped and it has gone through, the poor cashier cannot instantly UNDO the transaction and credit back the card. that would be viewed as fraud. plus it takes 24 hrs for the loot to be credited anyway. plus this is a frikin grocery. you can't UN-buy 14 items and then RE-buy them instantly. all that stuff has to be UN-bagged to swipe again. (or enter the sku but that takes just as long).
madonna mia! all this for 98.70TT worth of groceries. =|
...
i started looking for a chair cus i really didn't want to have to RE-pack MY cart and move to a next line. i kept having faith that the old lady couldn't be THAT obstinate.
she was.
sasha texted me that i should hit her a hard slap to make her move along.
appealing...
but not.

assisted with ticket preparation for fundraiser dinner vouchers. mmm. kelvin has rubbed off on me. blasted the kids for the shoddy layout and horrible alignment. even the grammar didn't get me as angry as the lack of space and textual overload. the colour scheme was a good idea though. they probably think i'm [MORE] crazy.

tonight: catch a fire on the laptop. good movie.
domestic adventures #55 : baking choco chip cookies from a mix. mmmmmmMMMMMM
several were eaten for quality control purposes. they will be a sugar rush for the garage sale/car wash tomorrow.

YUM!

randoms

2007-10-11T22:06:00.000-05:00

i am SO overdue for some therapeutic blogging.
there's one that i've written in my head multiple times. its visualizing a chat with my insane aunt who's "never wrong". the one that screamed at me the morning of my grandad's funeral and then again 2 weeks later while she was giving me a backhand apology.
i need to air that out. and then the bridge will be burned or maybe she'll realize that she might actually owe us a sincere apology.

prolly not.

and in other news, i think i had a mini wave of depression combined with tiredness.

got a little crazy with the kelvster yesterday. and slept for 3hrs and missed dance class wednesday evening.

the Blahs are really going around the school.

i'm resisting the urge to shop madly too cus i gotta save loot.

and the same blasted question "are you leaving? are you staying?" every other day. unless someone gives the bf a job, i'm done here. i'm done with the far thing. and yeah

bitter!

bought my tobago tix today. set for the year!

and i miss my grandparents, and my grandad especially.

and i worry about my mom. and my brother.

i should have blogged on tuesday. TUESDAY WAS A GOOD DAY. really made me feel like my thesis was useful. the question of race and racial discrimination is the elephant in the nation here. there is no space for the black students association in a country where the black people form the numerical majority, but the economic minority. because they take out their anger on the non-black students in their daily interactions. and everyone is so hurt and angry.

and my history class of 10 (plus 1 on monday) - strong wants to wage a rebellion. so much for keeping them on the straight and narrow of the status quo. i'm not even sure what my role is there. this is what i get for being all marxist and althusserian with a bunch of 15 year olds.

he.does.not.know.cars.

2007-10-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

21:57:07] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
THOSE SONS OF BITCHES
[21:57:09] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
maybe that's the missing steering wheel
[21:57:11] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
what?
[21:57:23] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
http://www.autoblog.com/photos/ford-fpv-gt-cobra/434684/
[21:57:26] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
Thats the new ford
[21:57:35] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
Do the headlights look farmiliar?
[21:57:46] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
they curve at the bottom like the RSX
[21:58:22] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
I've not seen any other car do that but the RSX, and those sons of bitches at Ford stole it
[21:58:45] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
wage a campaign
[21:58:55] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
campaign? I'm going to deface some Fords...
[21:59:00] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
it's a CRUSADE
[21:59:03] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
big difference
[21:59:13] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
excuse
[21:59:21] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
hexcuse me
[21:59:22] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
LOL
[21:59:41] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
rage against the ford machine
[21:59:47] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
do it for the rsx people
[22:00:03] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
I'm preparing for a trip to the ford plant as we speak
[22:00:38] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
Tell your man friend we have a mission..
[22:01:25] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
?
[22:01:38] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
You expect me to do this alone?
[22:01:39] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
i have to tell my bf that he's going to deface fords with you?
[22:01:59] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
CRUSADE sounds more enticing...
[22:02:01] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
or HEIST
[22:02:21] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
guys dig Heists
[22:02:30] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
if you say heist, he may recruit more people
[22:02:45] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
um.
[22:02:50] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
he doesn't care about cars
[22:03:06] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
Heist..
[22:03:09] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
he doesn't even know how to check his oil
[22:03:15] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
...
[22:03:29] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
if it drives, he takes care of it.
[22:03:36] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
he.does.not.know.cars.
[22:03:50] NYSE:VMW - $101.85 - VMware down 5 dollars in one day.. fuuuq says:
this could be a problem.. I'm sure he can wield a sidearm, our mission will not be sidetracked...
[22:03:51] no one can draw a rock as fabulous as mine says:
why do you think i called YOU when i was starting to look for one?

"Dance! Dance! Dance! Everybody dance!"

2007-10-03T21:29:00.000-05:00

i have never felt so completely uncoordinated in my LIFE. after 10ish years of west african dancing, the movements for modern dance are as comfortable to me as a conversation in sanskrit.
i was talking to myself the whole time.
telling myself how awkward i felt, how hairy and sweaty my pits were (yes i said it), and how confused and unrhythmic i must have looked.

well... the person teaching the class is like... nationally famous here. and has gone abroad and studied all kinds of forms. she runs a variety of classes for a living. i imagine this is what lesley will be like in several decades (hopefully minus the arthritis).

i decided i could either punk out and spend another year sitting at home complaining OR i could suck it up and take up the challenge of learning a different style of dance.

i felt good, frustrated and very sweaty all over after 1.5 hours of jumping around on my toes in "first" "fourth" and "fifth position", "Plie-ing" and "demonstrating" and "brushing" ...whatever the hell those all mean.

i'm going to get it. I'M GOING TO BE LESS AWKWARD!

i think the last time i felt like such a walking mess was when i was a gangly 13 year old with crazy hair and funky fashion.

i think, though, that i'll make the effort to do both this class and join a folk group. i had the option of joining them last weekend, but they're rehearsing a play for a national competition to come up in 2 weeks. that's too much pressure for me - seeing as i haven't practised anything regularly for over a year.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTED...

plus, they were halfway through choreographing and memorising the skit. i know if I was part of the group, i'd be like "who the hell is this girl anyway?" plus, given that they have to pause dancing to tighten up the speaking parts, i know i'd be pissed that so much time was passing by without doing something. i could see myself sitting in the back of the hall with marking on my sweaty lap.

mmmm

dust + sweat = the new GAP fragrance

you heard it hear folks!

in other news, i really enjoy my job. teaching is good times =)

Ms. Megatron - At work on a Saturday. WTF?

2007-09-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

*RING*
grab the towel
*RING!*
scrub dry and debate running out wrapped in the towel or wrapped in my pink robe
*RING!!*
decide to just wrap in the towel cus if i untangle the pink wrap, i'll miss the call (it'll go to vmail, but i'm lazy)
*RING!!!*
wrap and run out to grab the receiver, radio still blasting

Hello, Good morning

Good morning...Is this M_______ L_________? Ms. L_________?

Yes...?

How are you, this is Ms. ____, ____'s mom.

*WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!*

I was trying to reach you because blah blah blah Sorry for calling you at home and I would never but blah blah blah blah

*WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?*

blalh blah blah blah he's missed a week of school blah blah could you email me the work he's missed?

Pardon me?

blah blah never got the sheet from blah blah and is it something you could email to me?

Would you mind telling me

how you got my home phone number?

Oh! Mr. Frank gave it to me. It's just because I'm so worried that he (her 14 year old able bodied child) missed so much school....

*WTF ITS FRIGGIN SATURDAY MORNING*

blah blah blah so I just wanted to know if I could get the work from you

Sure I can email it to you. I'm ready [for the address]

blah blah blah... and i greatly appreciate this. I wouldn't normally call at home but blah blah and the whole house blah blah blah blah

*woman i could give a rats behind because its SATURDAY. i dont do sympathy on Saturdays*

blah blah blah and even I was not too well or else I would have called earlier in the week

Oh... that's too bad.... hope you feel better.... hope he's better.... I'll talk to you when he's returned to school THIS WEEK. (not the weekend)

Oh thanks again! And I'm really sorry about calling you at home blah blah blah blah blah

...MMhhhmmm ....Ok. Take care!

*BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! slam down the phone and furiously dial Mr. Frank*

------oh it gets better----

full of apologies, he tells me that she called him (on his cell because he doesnt have a land line. wth does she have his number? i dont even care) and she gave him a song and dance and ....
*drumroll*
he didn't know which was my home or phone number, and he was in the shower (washing away his common sense) so in order to avoid mistake, he

*wait for it*

*its good*

GAVE THE PHONE LIST TO HIS FRIEND SO HIS FRIEND COULD GIVE A PARENT MY (HOME) PHONE NUMBER.

yes.

Several questions....
At what point does it become ok to share your coworker's private information with your friends? who are not staff members??

Last year a staff member was suspended for a week without pay for giving out a parents number to another parent. So, despite all the warnings and admonitions, at what point does amnesia take over?

And then, why would a parent think that its ok to call the teacher of her FOURTEEN YEAR OLD HIGH SCHOOL child???? Will she call all of his professors in university when he has a cold? At what point does the student get to claim responsibility for his own life? Cus if not letting him take responsibility at FOURTEEN.... pfft...

-----now off to email the parent with the requested work, and CC the principal and vice principal and BCC the person who walked on his common sense one too many times and gave out my private information ---------

WTF?

i shoulda let the phone go to voicemail

the story of my yorku graduation

2007-09-23T01:19:00.000-05:00

i was super bored and up way past my bedtime so i started drifting aimlessly through my oldest hotmail account. i found this treasure. courtesy of the chrissy. long, but very funny. dont read while eating or drinking. you might spray your monitor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok why the hell am I left with the task of telling this ageless (crappy) story? Oh yeah, Melikeya has a mean streak a mile wide so I better get on with it.

First off I’m coming from the thriving Stinktroplois of Hamilton. So even if it means going to a boring grad ceremony, I’m up for it. That and it’s part of my court ordered community service. I have to hang out with nerds and try to “cool them up”. Don’t ask. I know it’s a dumb phrase but the judge was old.

So as I was leaving my house I noticed a rather large stain on my pants.

I didn’t worry Melikeya is too self centered of a person to notice something not pertaining to her. Also the stain wasn’t on my ass or crotch so I figured I was safe.

The long drive was enjoyable even considering who I was gonna get stuck hangin out with later on that evening. It was quite the task keeping myself occupied. The whole “at least one hand on the wheel” put a damper on the number activities I could use to keep my self amused. Patty cake was out of the question. I stuck mainly to singing along to the oldies station (dum dum dum sixteen candles do da do hmmmm) and driving dangerously close to the lane dividers. Good times. Well that was until I hit York campus.

I spent almost as much time driving on York campus as I did getting there. Gotta love when the York Polio Jogging Club passes you. I’m gonna have nightmares about those sounds for a while. I can’t even be in the kitchen the same time my mom goes thru the pots and pans drawer any more.

Soooooo like 45 minutes later I park my car and oooooh lucky me, it starts to piss down. YEAH ME! I had an umbrella, but let’s face it, black poodle silhouettes on pink not a good dude look. I did manage to keep Melikeya grad present dry. And yes I followed her mom’s instructions, nothing sharp or small enough for her to swallow. Man I tell you, you only make that mistake once, but I don’t have to tell you.

Inside the tent it is just starting to fill up. The grads had already been seated so I gave up on previous plans to meet her near the Tim Horton’s and start searching the bleachers. After scanning them all I come to the conclusion that she may not be wearing her walking helmet. I give up and take up a spot in the back. Seeing as I was like about 500 feet (!!!!) away at this point I was just going to wait for her to get her skinny ass up and receive her diploma.

Well that seemed like a good idea. The collection of old nerds (professors, chancellors and what not) had a different one. “Let’s bore people to death with our o so witty banter that uses reference that even the doctoral students don’t even get”. I did laugh a couple times at this. I admit it was because one of them kind half tripped and there was some really cool loud feed back that woke the grandparents up. Well the ones that could still hear.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they start callin names. Good lord it has been what seems a life time. The crowd is filled with EMS units workin on people suffering form dehydration and sever boredom. Luckily that does not interfere with diploma assembly line. I didn’t spot buck ten until the called her name. It sure was quite the task keeping track of her, trying to follow her back to her chair. She turned sideways a couple times and I almost lost her. Did I mange to find where she sat? Let’s just say these bifocals didn’t let me down (this time).

So seeing that I know where she is now seated I make my way as close as I can to her seat. This just happens to be “photograph alley”. No not the same place Melikeya got fooled into going for that model audition. This was the isle that every parent with a camera, video and sketch book was trying to get an image of their child shakin hands with numero uno. The ushers were trying to enforce some kind of “fire safety” regulation. You try telling a group full of fathers armed with the latest digital products that they are going to have to move because of some fire code? Pfffff, not gonna happen. Throw in the fact that half of them could barely speak the English language and you have a mob on your hands. If that ceremony would have run another hour we would have been extorting the Profs and had our own black market in the commons.

And then it happened. “Zander Zimmerman” and it was over. The last diploma handed out and we could get the hell outta there. A Wooo, a Hooo!!!! They start filling out I manage to get her attention. You know this is a hard task with the ADD and all. Unfortunately they are being herded out one way and I am being forced to leave the other way. So I manage to break the ushers choke hold run around the tent.

There I find Melikeya all by herself like a lost little puppy. A lost little puppy that isn’t too bright and hasn’t eaten for days. She seems to have lost her entire family. Now I can understand losing her able bodied mother, but the grandparents? Come on they couldn’t have got that far. Being that I have never met or seen pics of the family I for one time in my life am useless. She even made several false sightings. I mean who can’t recognize their own family??? I’ll tell you who, Melikeya, that’s who.

Here is a great idea, why not look where they were sitting during the ceremony? Wow, great idea. Where were they? Where they were sitting during the ceremony. So now that we’ve found them, it’s time for pics!! So they sort through every combo imaginable. At one point her grandfather and I were doing a civil war tableau. I was a mule. Ok, so we got carried away, sue us.

We discover that we are out of film (hope the group mooning was not lost) and it’s time to head out. Melikeya and I get the car so her family can sit down (they cleared the tent). On the way back I almost ran over a cop, but that’s another story. So the family takes seat in the car and we head off to drop the gown off. I was very disappointed to find that Melikeya was wearing clothes underneath. It took me a few minutes to get over it. I mean you just don’t burst a dude’s fantasy like that. Some would call it cruel. The orthopedic shoes should have been my first clue that she was not in that type of mood.

Well we squeeze everyone in the car and head to Scarberia to drop of the folks. On the way I lay of the oldies sing along and dangerous driving and rely on Melikeya’s mom to keep me entertained with stories from the little nerds past. They prove to be mildly entertaining and prevent my road rage from flaring up to bad. At one point during the short trip Puggsy in the back seat belts out that her tape worm needs feeding NOW!!! We manage to calm her down and let her know we’ll try to at least get some KD in her as soon as granny and grandpa get home.

Off to the restaurant we go. To a move n’ pick? What??? I have to serve myself? What the hell is that? I mean I could have gone home and served my self and not paid for it. Now I have to walk around and get my own food. Unacceptable! What? Melikeya’s moms is footing the bill? Outta my way time for some grub!!!!!!!!! Half a chicken later, it’s time for dessert. So me and short stuff head up to devise a dessert battle plan. Unfortunately for me I was two breasts and a vagina short to get any service form the confectionary counter. I managed to turn it into an ‘unfortunately for Melikeya” situation by grabbing an extra spoon and helping myself to her cake and ice cream. He He He.

Filled to the gills we head out and on our way to drop the female parental unit off so we can have some real graduation fun. Yeah you know what I mean. It was time for Melikeya to get a hold of a stick and some balls. Lucky for us the pool hall was still open. Or should I say lucky for me. I whooped her ass like third rate jockey. I saw some tears well up but she blamed it on the smell in the joint. But I know it wasn’t just the smell that was starting up the water works. I finish off my watered down diet Pepsi and it’s time to go.

This all end with me dropping her off at her place, I almost stopped this time to. How hard is it to remember to tuck and roll? Whaaa whaaa, You bent my diploma. Boo friggin hoo, welcome to the real world.

Yeah, that’s all I got.

MEGATRON!

2007-09-19T17:01:00.000-05:00

this will be my euphemsim for MegaB!@#$Face.
that's my alter ego. pet peeves are messiness, bad driving, and rudeness in general.

In this week's episode, Ms. Megatron surfaced yet again to deal with the recurring mess made by grade 11 students in her room. After daily requests to the teacher in charge, as well as gentle admonitions to known members of said pigsty class, I was forced to call on Megatron to gently write a letter (GASP) to the teacher in charge to request that the class be put to rights.

Megatron suggested that I retaliate in other passive aggressive ways such as having my grade 9s leave the class in total disarray so that the 11s might get the picture. But, I dont feel that anyone learns anything from that. In fact that would be making a bad thing worse because as far as my sweet, innocent 9s know, the room is always left as neat as they made it. Not so. Not so.

Megatron rose with bile and vengeance when I opened the door to the room at 2pm (end of the school day) to put some stuff on my desk. I should have taken a picture. Megatron was fully justified in making her appearance.

My calendar was on the floor - knocked off my desk, lying forlorn, pages askew. A folder with sheets ready for the next day was hanging precariously off the filing cabinet, on the verge of falling and making a mess of a 100 or so neatly stacked pages. A borrowed dictionary was splayed sadly across a desk, a vast distance from the bookshelf from whence it came.
Desks, mercifully, were in the right places. But the chairs... The chairs were scatter in haphazard arrangements, some were grouped together far away from the desks to which they belonged.

In three words: A. Complete. Disaster.

It made my head hurt. Especially when I thought of the fact that I had held a student back earlier to make sure the room was in ship shape form.

Let us see how this missive from Megatron is received. I imagine I will be painted as the villain in this scenario. It will be made to seem as if I am the tyrant who insists on order over free-spiritedness; instead of the obvious call to personal responsibility and role-modelling for the younger students. The room should be returned to the state in which it was found OR BETTER. It takes less than a minute. I have a feeling I was already painted as a tyrant after the whole chocolate desk fiasco that got this week off to a flying start.

Megatr... I cannot be everywhere. And I refuse to clean up the mess left by other able-bodied people.

Clean up your Crap!

It's Common Sense People!

stop the white on white violence

2007-09-10T18:48:00.001-05:00

african americans (and toronto comedians) everywhere uttered a silent prayer of thanks for the high school behaviour of kid rock and tommy lee at the mtv vmas.
in that one moment, they have provided comedic material for DECADES.

jamie foxx jumped on it right away with his "white on white violence" and "fighting like black folks" and the ultimate: "it almost turned into the Source awards".

puffy expressed regret that his cohost tommy lee could not fulfill his role due to his participation in the little slapfest. puffy later pleaded (with the best poker face ever) "we need to stop da violence in the world of rock".

mr. kantroversy west was livid to have won nothing (thereby losing all) in addition to being bypassed for britney "country" spears for the show opener.

if anyone gets youtube clips of britney's blah performance or the white on white violence in bougiewood, send them to me please!

and in other news, my face is burning from maracas yesterday. mmmm flaky!

oh kanye!

2007-09-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

Simpson brought two dates to see West perform at Rolling Stone's 40th anniversary party – her dad, Joe Simpson, and her boyfriend, Pete Wentz. Eve and Jermaine Dupri were also on hand to see the set, during which Foxx and rapper T-Pain joined West on stage.

The ever-outspoken West had some less-than-kind words for Spears and MTV.

"I can't believe she would perform. She hasn't had a hit record in years," he said, apparently miffed that MTV didn't invite him to open the show. "Maybe my money's not right. Maybe my skin's not right.''

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/254741

he was right though. britneys beat sounded like the one timb-o threw out before recording The Way I Are.
you could sing that chorous right over hers.

poor dear. she's trying though. she shoulda tried to perform in more clothes than a black sparkle bikini...

but that's just my opinion

i have just ONE question....

2007-09-08T09:24:00.000-05:00

British couple now suspects in daughter's disappearance

Blood in rental car prompts Portuguese police to question parents of 4-year-old
Sep 08, 2007 04:30 AM
Nicolaas van Rijn
Staff Reporter
When their little girl disappeared from a Portuguese resort while they were having dinner with friends four months ago, the parents of 4-year-old Madeleine McCann encouraged a blizzard of worldwide publicity to help find their missing daughter.

Yesterday Portuguese police declared British physicians Kate and Gerry McCann as "arguidos," formally naming them as suspects in their daughter's disappearance, and invited them to confess.

The move came after traces of Madeleine's blood were reportedly found in the Renault Scenic rented by the McCanns 25 days after she went missing. The analysis was done by a Birmingham lab and reported to police in Portugal earlier this week.

Under Portuguese law, declaring the McCanns "arguidos" gives police greater powers in posing 22 hard-hitting questions about the specifics of Maddy's disappearance. It also allows the McCanns to refuse to answer questions, and to be accompanied by a lawyer.

Maddy's parents, both 39-year-old doctors from central England, have denied any involvement in their daughter's disappearance; in fact, both continue to express the hope she may, even now, be found alive.

"Kate and Gerry McCann have today both been declared `arguidos' with no bail conditions and no charges have been brought against them," Gerry McCann's lawyer, Carlos Pinto de Abreu, said yesterday after he was interviewed by police. "The investigation continues."

Earlier yesterday, referring to Kate McCann's questioning by Portuguese police, her sister-in-law Philomena McCann told ITV News in Britain: "They tried to get her to confess to having accidentally killed Madeleine by offering her a deal through her lawyer."

In effect, the sister-in-law said, Portuguese police told Kate McCann: "`If you say you killed Madeleine by accident, and then hid her and disposed of the body, then we can guarantee you a two-year jail sentence or even less.'"

All of Britain and much of Europe has been captivated by the case, which began May 3 when little Maddyvanished from the McCann's holiday apartment in the Algarve village of Praia da Luz.

She had been left asleep with her baby brother and sister, 2-year-old twins Sean and Amelie, while McCann and husband Gerry ate at a nearby restaurant with seven friends.

Although the restaurant was only minutes away and the McCanns claimed they checked regularly on their sleeping children, Maddy was gone when they returned.

Maddy's disappearance sparked an intense police search and a worldwide sweep of publicity orchestrated by her parents, who met with Pope Benedict XVI in the Vatican and enlisted author J.K. Rowling and soccer legend David Beckham in an effort to get the word out about their missing daughter.

Portuguese police, constrained by law, won't release any details of their investigation, but talk in the resort now is focusing on the McCanns' background as physicians, the alleged discovery of a syringe in their holiday apartment, and the suspicion that Maddy received an accidental overdose of a sedative given so she'd sleep when her parents went out with friends.

Philomena McCann, Gerry McCann's sister, described the police claims as ludicrous.

"They are suggesting that Kate was somehow responsible for accidentally killing Madeleine and kept the body and then got rid of it," she said. "I have never heard anything so absolutely ludicrous in my life," she told Sky News.

Kate McCann, who was questioned for a gruelling 11 hours on Thursday, returned for another day of questioning by police yesterday.

Gerry McCann was named a suspect after he was called in for questioning yesterday. But his public focus remains on supporting his wife and denying their involvement in Maddy's disappearance.

"Anyone who knows anything about the 3rd of May," he blogged yesterday, referring to the day Maddy disappeared, "knows that Kate is completely innocent. We will fight this all the way, and we will not stop looking for Madeleine."

McCann herself dismissed the allegations as "ridiculous." And a McCann family spokesperson said yesterday Kate McCann "robustly" denied her involvement.

"She was taken aback by the suggestion," the spokesperson said. "It was the first time she had heard the allegation that blood had been found in the car. There was a suggestion it was Madeleine's blood."

Kate McCann told detectives there was "no way" the blood could have been Maddy's, the spokesperson added, and continued to maintain her innocence.

McCann family members and friends are now alleging Portuguese police set up the couple. "There they are, the victims of this horrendous crime, and now the police are trying to sully their names in this disgusting manner with this smear campaign," Philomena McCann said. "It is just unbelievable."

During their extensive investigation into Maddy's disappearance Portuguese police earlier named one suspect, Robert Murat, a British expatriate who lives near the holiday apartment rented by the McCanns. According to local reports, Murat, who has maintained his innocence, is no longer being pursued as a serious suspect.

http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/254481
With files from Star news services

---------------------------------------------------
who leaves a 4 year old and two 2 year olds alone in an aparment by themselves???? asleep or not??? and if they're travelling with kids, wouldn't they want to pick a place that offers some sort of reliable childcare? or figure out some way to not leave 3 toddlers at home alone?
no on asks that in the article.

i didn't know

2007-09-08T02:10:00.000-05:00

that there was a rule that a girl must show interest in a guy at a club for as long as he feels like speaking to her.
not only that, even if she expresses disinterest ( politely), that means he still has the right to stand around her and stare at her like a parking space he's in danger of losing. better yet if he has a friend to help him stare, or help him cajole/berate/harangue the woman into whatever he wants (the small 'favour' of talking or whatever).

as i said today to the friend of grandpa (who was the second person to join the stalker list) "i realize HE wants to talk to ME, but we talked enough already over there by the washroom. i dont want to talk to him any more. i didn' t know there was a rule that i HAVE to satisfy every man in here tonight?"

=/
then i had to run my own interference cus no matter how many evasive manoeuvers we made to keep stalkers 1a and b, and then stalker 2 from pressing in, they still felt they should STARE.... quite pervy. cus it makes you feel like you are under surveillance.
so even if the person is not trying to rub up on you, they are trying to make eye contact, and basically staring at you as if you are a stripper - performing for their eyes only... except you dont make any money.

the original Staremaster and his friend had taken turns asking me a range of questions including which band i played mas with. unfortunately, we might be in the same one. GAH. now that we've defected and all. then they got around to the questions they REALLY wanted to know:

1. do you have a boyfriend?
2. where is he?
3. you should have brought him.... wait, is he in canada?
4. *wait for it*

*drumroll*

do you have any children?

WTF?!

how

is that any of your business? what - am i in an interview? i didn't know that i was coming to an office. i thought i was coming to cro bar. this is when i turned and said 'that's enough'.

and then the intense staring began.

in running my own interference (thanks anyway donita), i found someone who was twice my size and didn't look fresh from jail and accused him for not "rescuing me" from grandpa. he was quite helpful in stare avoidance.

but, like the others, he was also looking out for number one. plus, i guess he felt i owed him seeing as i was using him for a shield.

he was adamant that i take his number despite the fact that i said i would never call. he thought perhaps anne might.
HA!
fat chance.
she was shooting them down left right and centre. i guess he thought he might have had an in with me.

well when he realized that there was NO chance with me, he rolled out with his friend.

it wasn't long before grandpa rolled over. this time with a different request. and breath full of stale cigarette smoke that put me on the verge of retching. he wanted me to watch his black and white for him while he went across the street. simple question. deserves a simple answer right?

apparently my polite NO accompanied by vigorous head shaking did not work. we were trying to gather up the troops to leave, and i didn't want to be responsible for Sketchy McSketchkins' booze. plus he had a friend. his friend should watch it for him. he launched into different versions of his request relying on arguments ranging from 'because he said so', to 'stickin it to the establishment (literally)', to my 'trustworthy face', to my 'trini roots'... at which point i rolled out of the place. i wasn't even driving. the car was a zillion years down teh road. but i had had enough of his stale smoke in my face and his badgering. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHEESH!!! i thought i'd roll out past the crew and eventually they would get up and come out to find me.

that was the most (persistent) harassment i'd ever had at a night out in trinidad in all the time i've been here. i felt like i was at guverment in toronto. i guess that's the drawback to cro bar. it comes with cool vibes people AND sketchorama people.

and i was super irritable. i realized its cus i'm stressed, kinda tired, and the two stalkers (and their assistants) were gross and/or scary looking. the funny thing is, Mr. Shield thought i couldn't be any older than 21. so i can only imagine what grandpa thought he was getting into when he decided to start harassing me.

GRRRRRROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
*le sigh*

tonight was one time when i wished i drove into town. so i could roll OUT and away from that crap. i barely enjoyed myself.

sherwin is the dopest rapper ever!

2007-08-31T10:58:00.000-05:00

next to kelvin of course! love you hun!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Sherwin wrote
at 1:27am
Iya' What is dis'...ya' nah' like "Elevation" by Branded Black dem?????
Wall-to-Wall - Write on Sherwin's Wall - Message - Delete

Malaika wrote
at 1:35am
huh?
is that more of your ghetto pdot slangs?
yeah. i said was disappointed in teh lyrics. there weren't any references to "dropping bombs" on people's "moms". i thought that's what you rap guys HAD to say in every song. you know. when you "Flow" "straight off tha dome" ? or at least that's what it says in my rap handbook. you dont follow the handbook.
Wall-to-Wall - Write on My Wall - Delete

Sherwin wrote
at 10:49am
ok...i referred to the rap handbook and revised the rhymes.

I elevate and then
i drop bombs on all ya'll moms
Then break outta' tha' chains and say

"I AM MEGATRON!"

OHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Wall-to-Wall - Write on Sherwin's Wall - Message - Delete

Malaika wrote
at 11:54am
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as the rappers would say (according to the handbook) "HELLS YEAH!" and "THAT'S WHUT AH'M TALKIN 'BOUT, *N-WORD*!"

lol
LOL
Wall-to-Wall - Write on My Wall - Delete

bloglets

2007-08-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

other potential blogs that i no longer have the time or energy to type

my family is crazy. its funny how good friends are much more useful in a crisis than family members who have their own agenda and only stress you out in the process.

my neice is the cutest thing ever. EVER JERRY!

don't mess with the viper. J.A.R., man J.A.R.

cranium + a room of family and friends = good times!!!
(unless you have Grandad on your team. he was pretty clueless when we played. now if it was monoply he'd have had us begging in no time)

7 weeks of a closed apartment + a tropical rainy season = a mouldy apartment and super moldy bedroom.
tres gross. now i want to buy a dehumidifier. mould definitely trumps antfestations on the disgust-o-meter

even in trinidad, good friends are helpful. but in trinidad, family is largely helpful too... even if they can still be a headache sometimes.good friends and their children i should say.... thanks for breakfast, marcus!

avoiding going to bed til 3am + early morning plans = no movements before 12. silly malaika.

some boyfriends just need to be dumped. (Not you kelvin). and if you can't muster the energy to do it, the universe will do it for you.

it costs $25 (or less) to patch a tire in trinidad.

misquoting jesus. by ehrman is a good read. informative. and almost got me into a fight with a friend. funny how some people dont want their faith to be challenged by anything. challenges are how you grow. butterflies have to fight their way out of their cocoons... or they will die from having all the toxins remain in their systems. i guess some folks aren't ready to be butterflies yet. whereas my family members, hardcore churchies, love the discussions in the book.

macs are cool. unless you work at a school where everyone has pcs. and the tech people only know pc stuff. i still have no interweb access at school.

my mom is nuts. she has too much going on. she really did a lot over the past year. she is due for a vacation.

things i miss

2007-08-31T08:35:00.000-05:00

about my grandad.
bake
mauby
how he would try (both of them did this) to hook me up with food before i flew out of the house on mornings (after the prayerline, or during the prayerline he would make spaghetti and vegetables or put a bake in the oven. it wasn't creative, but it was nourishing....and it saved me hundreds of dollars in food money)
the "ssht ssht" sound of his slippers in the hallway
the random days when he'd bust out his goose step from the police training days
the stories about "The Old Man" and "my Mother" (i never knew the actual names of his parents until we had to fill in his death forms)
the always happy greeting for me "how's my Sunshine Girl?"
the fanaticism about serna and venus, and tiger, and any other black person who happens to do exceptionally well at anything
the attempts at cooking - mashed potatoes, soup with provision cut too big, shake and bake chicken (that was a good year)
the stories of his walks all over scarborough
actually the animated way he recounted ANY story of a good time - his eyes would light up
the regular inquiries into first my school progress and my relationship with teachers and profs, then my teaching progress and my relationship with my students, coworkers and admin
the strong singing and even stronger whistle
the busted, but self-taught! piano playing
the fanatic photography with that camera that was older than me (hard to find pics of him for the funeral that were from the 80s and 90s cus he TOOK all the pictures then)
the sketchy disagreement/throwdowns we would have when we disagreed
the lengthy random chats he would have with my guy friends who came over - first chris, then kelvin (sorry kelvin, i dont think he liked you the first time around)
his habit for saying hi to all... to everyone in the building and his penchant for speaking kindly to all children in the building
the hat (which we have hanging on the wall)
the proud, strong stride (which tarik, mom and i had fun immitating last year)
the voracious reading... of EVERYTHING (if i didn't leave the TT papers open on my laptop, the planets would come out of alignment) - he REALLY liked to be well-informed]
his hustling skills at selling reliv
his knack for being calm when everyone was freaking out (which is mirrored by his tendency to pitch a fit when it was convenient)
his 30 hour graces during which he would ask for blessings on everyone in the room, one by one, and then bless all their relations
his insistent belief that he knew what was best for Gran
the slow, sometimes shifty smile
the look of love in his eyes for osheayanna

i think he was in denial. he would say that he was "sick" not dying. but he never complained. he always called gran every day. i feel a bit bad because i didn't realize he was getting much weaker and i would help him the way i usually helped gran - by insisting on whatever independent activity they had the strength to do. so i could have helped more than i did.

i dont know if i'll ever watch tennis again.

this would count as my grieving i guess. e-grieving. this is some of the stuff that i think about when i lie down to sleep. because here there are no distractions, no other worries. just me and my thoughts (and the mould! i wonder what he'd have to say about that!)

its just an unsettled feeling that things aren't quite right in my world. that things have changed dramatically.

he was not a saint, but he was a pretty decent guy to me.

i'm sure there will be more e-grieving in the future. maybe about what i learned.

birthdays and lovelife according to blogthings

2007-08-11T19:17:00.000-05:00

apparently we dont match! who knew?

me:

Your Birthdate: February 3

You are certain and confident when you choose to love someone.

Even though your romantic choices may be unconventional - you stand behind them.

Your friends never know you as well as a romantic partner does.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, and 30th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

kelvin:

Your Birthdate: July 27

For you, love is a feeling that lingers for really long time - even after a relationship is totally over.

In fact, you still make have strong feelings for the first person you fell in love with.

You usually are reluctant to end relationships. And sometimes you're the last to know that things are ending!

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 9th, 18th, and 27th of the month.

R.I.P. Grandad

2007-08-07T00:33:00.000-05:00

June 3 1926 to July 28 2007

this picture was from early july 2007. we watched wimbledon ALL WEEK. he had to keep up so he could follow venus and serena's matches. i think the williams sisters are his surrogate grandchildren (unbeknownst to them).

more than meets the eye

2007-08-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

this is old. from july 2nd. but i haven't had regular interweb access this summer, plus lots of other things happening in my life so i've been slow on the blog-thing.
i applagize.

===================================================

So we went with several hundred other nerds to see Transformers. Myself, my boyfriend, my girlfriend and her boyfriend. Yesh. Keep up. July 2nd, 740 pm we scrambled to find seats in an already full theatre for the 830 show…we had bought the tickets at 2pm that day.
Well, we sat down in the front and they sat waaaaaaaaaaaay in the back.
The movie was W I C K E D. CGI: outstanding. Dialogue: amusing, and love interest: cheesy.

Afterwards, we stayed to watch the credits along with the rest of our fellow nerds. Our eagerness was rewarded with two amusing clips.

While we were patiently waiting for the end of the credits (just in case there was sneak preview scene *wink wink*), I looked back to see someone stalking angrily towards me.

I had the following conversation:

Mr. Angry: WHAT ARE WE STILL DOING HERE?
Me: pardon?
A: WHY are we still HERE?!
Me: *sweetly* did you see XMen 2?
A: YEAH so what. There was an xmen 4? What?! So why are you sitting still? What are you waiting for?
Me: did you see XMen 2?
A: YEAH I did. SO?
Me: *still in my slow, sweet you’re-a-jackass-you-need-a-backhand voice* well [pause], if you saw XMen 2, you would remember that there was a trailer at the end of the credits that showed there would be a next movie.
A: *grunts* oh…. [stomps off]

The audacity of some people’s children!
Of course, after the fact is when my indignation cleared enough for the creativity to kick in…

Here are other possible answers to his rude question:

1. Pardon? I don’t speak Ignorant Negro, so you’ll have to say that again, but slower this time…
2. I’m sorry, did you just say you were taking the bus?
3. Excuse me? You wanted to borrow bus fare?
4. Honey, I believe he’s talking to you (and let Kelvin tell him option 5)
5. F#$% you!
6. oh well, if you have somewhere to go, the bus station is just over there…
7. oh, you don’t need to wait. You can get into your car and leave. Oh… but you didn’t drive, WE did! That’s riiiiiiight…

energies/"Open Water! yeaaah yeaaaaah!"

2007-06-29T19:29:00.000-05:00

sometimes you just want to sit and feel the different energies ebbing and flowing around you. sit and be silent. sit. and. just be.
but that's hard to do when other folks around you need to work off their nervous/anticipatory/negative/awkward/friendly energies through talking. to you. about stuff.

we had our hectic staff social DDI (down the islands) this morning. as usual, things went trini style. the maxis left late, the marina people held us up, the food was late, and the work permits were late. i bolted at 130 with the boat that was going out for lunch. its not our fault it was late! but everyone's combined nervous energy was making me a bit antsy.

BUT, at 1130, i ventured out into the sea with donna and ben... and we kickstarted it for everyone. i had a [pool] noodle to stave off the deep sea panic. i almost didn't go in because i put the noodle in as i saw ben do, then i realized it would start to drift as i worked up the courage to jump into 14 ft deep water. then i remembered i can always hold my breath, i know how to tread water, and i can definitely float out here. so, i took a breath, and took a small leap off the concrete platform. as i bobbed down then up, i remembered to open my eyes so i could see where the noodle was.

i slowly realized that i was NOT at all going to be able to even stub my toe on the "bottom" because it was 10 feet deep near the dock, and then it got deeper as we drifted with the current. i didn't have to be told to "stop looking down!" it was neat though to see the schools of tiny fish, yellow-green moss and other random things floating below. but then it got disconcerting to look down and see only dark green... cus that meant i was out in Open Water (yeaaaaah yeaaaaah).

it didn't help that ben would occasionally disappear from the surface...because that meant he was underwater looking for someone's ankles to grab. lol

i even relaxed enough to hand the noodle to connie and donna (so nice of them!) and try treading and floating by myself - sans equipment. the float i could do nooooo problem. but i couldn't do it for long knowing that i would drift, then have to turn over and make my way back. treading wasn't so hot either because i couldn't relax enough. so, after spraying water like a fountain all over the two of them, i snatched the noodle back (with relief), and started backpedalling to the dock.

but i was soooooooooooo happy to be able to be in the water and not freak out. MUCH better than roasting on the dock. plus, i bet if i could have stayed the whole day, i might have relaxed enough to be in the water without a noodle. hmm!

____________________
yesterday i had dinner with tasha and josh. for something "just thrown together" she throws down pretty damn good! the red wine and salad were just toppers to a great meal. plus i think the wine helped my nasty cold thing. even a cup of icecream after dinner from the corner cart didn't make things worse today.
i'm crediting the wine.

but yeah.

"my bags are packed and i'm ready to go..."

enjoying the quiet of my place. or attempting too. but someone is moving into one of the apartments with a freakin truck. like a ford something. that is really loud. its overpowering my slowjams.

*ooooooooh jill scott.*

the radio stations here are wicked. was dancing to soca and dance earlier while packing (and weighing and unpacking). then felt for something new and came across a station playing an old stevie wonder track. ironically, the same one we put on repeat and high volume while eating icecream on the corner last night.
this station has stuck. it's pretty good. good thing its one of my presets!

i'm trying to psych myself up for spending 7 weeks with family in a slightly stressful situation. this is the first time in a long while where i will pass a summer without being in school of some sort... or heading into school in september (as a student).

i enjoy having my own space. my car right outside my door.
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut each place, trinidad/toronto, has its benefits.
starting with TIM HORTONS!!! [kelvin goes without saying. *WINK WINK*]

that's what i'll have tomorrow evening. mmm mmm

i'll deal with all that family stuff later.

sex and the city

2007-06-28T16:18:00.000-05:00

i hate that show. i really do. i've never watched it, but the trailer/commercials for it irk me in a nails-on-the-chalkboard kinda way (except for the fact that that sound doesn't really bother me. but this show does).
anyway, it's still funny how that stupid show has now become the catch-all symbol for any sort of girls-out-on-the-town moment. i say "girls" and not mothers. if i said mothers, then i would have to use The View as my metaphor.
to wrap our year and spend our last weekend in style, i went with the girls to tobago. it was good times.
just like last time where we discussed the languages of love (acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation), this time the topics were love, relationships, work, religion, more love, more relationships, and fashion.
we all have the same sundress. two of us have the exact same pattern in this dress! we also discovered the hoax of 'sizes'. my "small" is the same as a "large".

an alternative title could have been "i've got no problems with, like, [pause], God and stuff".

there were other quotable quotes such as "OMG! THERE ARE CHICKENS IN THIS TREE!?!?!" followed by "well call me when the pink elephants show up"

or
"she's from Here, There and Everywhere."
"you know it?"
"yeah i'm your neighbour"
"that's right! just down the street"
"past the big tree..."

i'm looking forward to hearing REAL directions once i get to canada. no more "round the big tree", "by the KFC", or "obliquely across from". other trini sayings include "just now" which is later than "now now", earlier than "soon come", but not as early as "early o'clock". these i dont mind. but the lack of street directions makes me nervous!

we had a pretty tough girls weekend. days spent at the beach, evenings spent at an outdoor club. i finished a book, worked on my tan, pissed off jacy (LOL), had shots for the first time in aaaaaaages, got my hair did on the beach, and consumed copious amounts of alcohol.

good times were had by all.

aaaaaaaaand osheayanna cus she's so cute

what can i say

2007-06-21T21:52:00.000-05:00

my 9s had their final today. 3 of them lead a class prayer for success before i handed out the exam.

i'll miss them. i gave a nice spiel and stuff, but they were too spazzed to take note and harass me about it.
one student wrote on her last question "have a good summer miss and get lots of rest cus i'll be BACK next year!!"

i'm not sure if that was a warning or a threat.

as usual, there were stupid mistakes made by me that gummed up the works at the start of the exam. but ah well. i got them all marked and recorded. praises!
=)

in other news, i learned something about the sea on tuesday when we were at las cuevas. the curl of the wave does not curl very much on the way down. despite all those cool baywatch side shots of curly waves, that is NOT what happens.
waves curl UP, then CRASH STRAIGHT DOWN.

yes.

so, if you try to (body) ride a wave, you will coast down AND forward... but there will be a lot of down before the forward part.

well. if you combine this risky behaviour with other factors such as "dont dive into the shallow end of the pool", then you have a potentially dangerous situation.

OR, in laymans terms, you set yourself up to get beat down by the ocean. bodyslammed by the sea as it were.

i went DOWN, straight into the sand becuase, well, where i was standing, the water was only 3ft deep apparently - despite appearances that would indicate otherwise. the wave took my body and slammed it face first into the sand, then FORWARD as waves do (remember down, then forward), which gave me a nice sand burn and a throbbing chin.

at some point (i'd like to think) reflexes took over and i put my hand out, getting my wrist sandblasted in the process. the other hand was securing my useless bathing suit halter top from a wardrobe malfunction. no need to flash my 10 year old cousin... and the pervy man with his daughter gazing from 100 ft away, the jerk.

i came up, mikey was all panicked... and i simply verified that i wasn't bleeding... profusely anyway. needless to say, that was when we decided to quit the sea and try our luck with the beastly sandflies on shore.

i had a nasty scaly scab below my lips that was flaking off ever so fashionably today while i was at work. everyone helpfully pointed out "oh, you have a...little something there... a you know... its dry or something".

oh no.

those are battle scars, my friend. part of a matching set.

....
despite my griping, the period before we lost the gamble with the ocean was good times. i opened my eyes underwater. it was very clear. 3 cheers to josh for helping me to get over my panic about having my head underwater and forcing me to keep my eyes open. it was pretty cool to be able to see where i was going! lol
AND we saw a jellyfish. very cool. looks just like the jellies in finding nemo. pink and blobby...and totally oblivious to gawking onlookers.

....
~randoms....~
beautiful girls by sean kingston is both amusing and disturbing.

american history x is a gooooood, but uber graphic movie

i'm going to paris!!! in august =)

north country is also a good movie.

i'm going to miss trinidad when i go back to toronto

we're going to tobago this weekend!!

some days

2007-06-14T23:04:00.000-05:00

i really feel old.

yesterday, i got home, took my lady fam bunch to starlite and got groceries. we came back and they cooked up a storm. i avoided the chaos in the kitchen. i decided to be productive and build the fan i just bought. i also played phone/e-doctor to josh - diagnosing his strep throat and helping to recommend antibiotics.

today, i felt old at work...although i had some jokes.

"so miss when you get married, you'll invite us to your wedding right?"
"what?"
"well you HAVE to invite us because we're your favourite class."
"of course you are. and so is my last semester class"
"but no, we're the most favourite."
"what makes you think i want to feed all 20 something of you at my wedding?"
"miss you're getting MARRIED?!"
"no, i'm not, but he seems to think if i do i need to bring you all"
"cus we're your favourites!"
"and what about the class i had before, and my grade 8s from last year?"
"no, they dont count... but anyway, you'll definitely have to invite ME"
"why? you think i like you?"
"but dont you miss?"
"...yeah...i guess so. i like you. but not her and definitely not that one over there."
"what about ____?"
"oh i really like her. she'll be my adopted daughter. SHE's my favourite!"
"and ___?"
"ooooh, ____... "
"miss HATES me"
"no no no. we have a love/hate relationship.... i love to hate him"

some times you have to give out ego pats in order for people to have a good day. and other times you can leave some humour at the door.

ffwd to hometime. tuck everyone into the car and go truckin around to starlite, then chagueramas... making the obligatory stop at the crews inn gift shop (thanks to hemstar adventures), and dinner at sails.

however, someone invited all the flies within a 10 mile radius, so they attempted to dine with us as well. i swear one of them was buzzing in venezuelan spanish. their presence made a usually enjoyable dinner quite an aggravating, tension-filled experience.

eh well.

dropped off some charges in town, then headed home with mommy dearest.

get home and do 2 hrs of work from 10 til 12.
thank goodness tomorrow is a dress down day.

JEANS! How i love thee.

UGH. so much marking. i did this to myself.

quickie

2007-06-12T23:24:00.000-05:00

under the sheets

is where i need to be, you dirty people!

MY MOM IS HERE! yay =)
let the good times... kinda roll. i would enjoy them if i didnt' have a box of projects to mark. that was my own fault.
at the moment i have a full house. my aunt and her friend in my spare room and my mom is shackin up with me in the master suite. HA!
but yeah.

and i like the government because i got a decent tax return plus $2 interest on my refund! i can buy a BIG pack of gum when i get back to toronto. =|

and um... there are very few days left of school AND there's a holiday next tuesday.
"HOW BEST!"

this afternoon was kicks. technology is great. and...
trinidad "rush hour" is a joke. its an exercise in sleeping awake while driving. 2.5 hours for a 35 min drive. nice.

....there was something else good but i forgot.

oh well!

be easy

with 6 days left

2007-06-11T22:03:00.000-05:00

of the school year, i need to keep working on retaining my zen spirit.
totally wanted to whale on a student today. i can handle all sorts of silly teenage behaviour but unrepentent, insolent rudeness just pushes me right off the edge of my patience... along with lying.
i now have a student uttering semi threats about me to anyone else who will listen. ANNOYED.
*LE SIGH*
6 days man... 6 days. i will enjoy the rest of them.

i'm tired. and excited. and only sort of looking forward to marking those projects in that box.
argh.
yesh
=\

------looking for the zen spirit----------

the wedding shower.

2007-06-10T22:10:00.000-05:00

mom was there in spirit.

she was very surprised. good job auntie donna mae.

some friends from bishops (on the left)

auntie ida is younger than you think

trevlin

all my peoples on the left side.

the oft' harassed hero

presents! let the oohing and aahing begin

ooooooOOOOOOooooooooh

aaaaaaaaah

[missing: the picture of the bachlorette mango]

equipping aunty debbie with the tools of domesticity

peoples on the right side

queen of the circle

welcome to

2007-06-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

cougarville

wednesday night we (me, michelle, donita) hit the streets to take advantage of our holiday the next day. [praises be for corpus christi].
up until wednesday morning we still had no idea where we were going. but by wednesday night, the people i had harassed via text had come through for me and given me several ideas. we knew that whatever happened, there was always crobar.

our first stop was pabloz. if you reach before 11 it would be free. well we got there at 1045 and there was a big confusion as to whether we'd be let in free. there were no cars outside and no line up so that should have been a clue as to what we'd find. we were about to leave, then someone came down and said we could come in free. great! we were excited. ....
silly us.

we got upstairs and found.... NOTHING! the place was empty. cold and empty. well the djs were from a good radio station so we decided to see what would happen.
what happened was a lot of black folks showed up wearing the uniform of the night.
for men it was XXL dress shirts, jeans, and squeaky clean sneakers. for women, it was shorts, high heels and a long sleeve top OR blouse, skinny jeans and flats.
we looked at each other, hated the music and when the place was full-ish at 1145, we decided we'd had enough of watching people watch each other.

we left

and went to crobar.

i was driving. and i am a nervous driver. especially when i dont know where i'm going. especially at night. i learned a lot, lemme tell you!

crobar, thankfully, wasn't crowded, even though it was 12am. we grabbed drinks and sat back to chill, enjoy the music and people watch. i mentioned that being at pabloz was making me feel old. there's only so much [commercial] "hip hop" i can take. the other girls agreed.

there was a click of young guys all in khaki pants and white short sleeved shirts who had obviously had 6 drinks apiece and were not showing any signs of quitting. they rolled up on a heavy older lady, wined up on women sitting down, and when machel's down de road came on, they made their own white shirt mas band - chipping in a line all around the spot.

later on, it started to rain and everyone ran from their seats and huddled under the awning. this forced people to stand, so more people started dancing. when the rain stopped, it looked like a regular jam under the awning. i stepped back out to get fresh air.

one of the white shirts came over to me and started gesturing that i should return to the jam under the awning. he pointed at a second white shirt.
my kennedy station training kicked in and i refused to walk over to them. i figured, if you want to talk to me, you should come to me.
however, we finally got it sorted out: they were saying i should go back under the awning "where the party was" instead of dancing outside there by myself.

i replied that i had to dance where i was to keep [michelle] company because she was falling asleep on the table. (she found THAT hilarious when i relayed the story afterwards. it was funny and true). white shirt #2 told me they were all from a football team from south and had just lost a match, but were determined to have a good time. the khaki pant get-up was the team outting uniform or something. because i refused to go back under the awning white shirt #2 (anthony as i was later informed) requested that i save a dance for him.

no problem.

so just before i was ready to leave, i found anthony and said whatever comes on next, that's what we'll dance to. as we danced, white shirt #1 was sprawled out on the sofa in front of us. quite drunk. a third white shirt came up and asked if i knew this person i was dancing with. sure. his name is anthony. what else do i need to know?

out of curiousity, i asked anthony how old he was. after hesitating, he responded (as i suspected) 20. (and i think he was still lying). he asked how old i was and i told him to guess. 4 guesses later (starting at "21?"), he finally guessed 27. this made him feel quite proud i'm sure.

and shanthy thought SHE was a cradle robber.

yech!

as i left, he tried his luck one more time:

"so can i get a contact number for you?"
"no you can't"
"why not?"
"my boyfriend would not appreciate it (besides you're a child)"
....and he says....
*drumroll*
"so! he doesn't need to know!"

steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeups.
oh child.

"you have a good night, anthony"

precious moments

2007-06-07T15:42:00.000-05:00

awwww!

the fun continues

2007-06-05T21:32:00.000-05:00

we get points for helping the FBI. but, unfortunately, social disparities make "people in the region" susceptible to radical militant muslim candy brainwashing. make it sound like a disease. which of course will be the achilles heel of the region...until another calamity hits the radar.
so that compliment was delivered on the edge of a backhand to the face.

JFK terror plot suspect surrenders in Trinidad
Jun 05, 2007 07:29 PM
MICHAEL MELIA
Associated Press

PORT-OF-SPAIN, Trinidad–A fourth suspect in an alleged plot to attack New York's John F. Kennedy Airport surrendered Tuesday in Trinidad as some U.S. authorities raised concerns that deep social inequality in the Caribbean could make the islands a fertile recruiting ground for radical Islam.

Abdel Nur, a Guyanese national accused of seeking support for the alleged plot from the leader of a radical Muslim group in Trinidad, smiled as he turned himself in at a police station outside the capital Port-of-Spain.

The details emerging about Nur and the other suspected plotters have given rise to concerns that bitter social divides in the Caribbean, where many Muslims live in shacks just blocks from gleaming skyscrapers, could foster anti-American sentiment and Islamic extremism.

The 57-year-old Nur worked odd jobs at a currency exchange house and lived in a poor neighbourhood back in Guyana.

"This is a conspiracy," he told reporters with a smile as he entered a courthouse later Tuesday.

Nur and three others are alleged to have been planning to blow up fuel pipelines that feed the New York airport. Two of the other suspects are also in custody in Trinidad, following their arrests there on Friday.

New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly spoke of a potential Caribbean threat when he disclosed the alleged plot.

"This is an area in which we have growing concern and I think requires a lot more focus," Kelly said.

Though the Caribbean is largely known as a tourist paradise, the twin-island nation of Trinidad and Tobago, with a population of about 1.3 million, stands out as an exception: it is the most industrialized nation in the region and the largest supplier of liquid natural gas to the United States. The capital seems to have sprouted skyscrapers in recent years, thanks to the natural gas boom.

The country has good relations with the United States and Nur's surrender won Trinidad praise from the FBI.

"I am confident that the pressure brought to bear by the Trinidadian police authorities contributed to his surrender," said Mark Mershon, the head of the FBI in New York. "We are very grateful for their tremendous co-operation in this investigation."

Trinidad, which is about 6 per cent Muslim, is home to Jamaat al Muslimeen, a radical group that staged the only Islamic revolt in the Western Hemisphere, a deadly 1990 coup attempt sparked by still unresolved land claims.

Nur allegedly met with the group's leader, Yasin Abu Bakr, in an unsuccessful effort to get support for the airport attack. Abu Bakr told The Associated Press on Monday that his group had no connection the New York plot.

Trinidad is not a hotbed of anti-Americanism – in fact, its U.S. ties are substantial and growing: about 20,000 U.S. citizens visit the islands each year for tourism and business and about 4,600 claim residency in the country, according to the State Department. The U.S. in turn is home to thousands of people of Trinidadian descent.

Still, it is not hard to find resentment among poorer residents of Port-of-Spain. Some in the capital say the U.S. shares blame with the Trinidadian government for poverty that lingers despite an economy that grew 12 per cent last year.

"All America wants to do is dominate," said house cleaner Alistair Augustine, voicing a sentiment that is common in the working class neighbourhoods on the capital's west side. A Muslim convert, Augustine attends a small, one-story mosque in the island nation, which is home to about 80,000 Muslims.

Such social discontent could make people in the region vulnerable to recruitment by terrorists outside the region, said Anthony Bryan, a senior associate at the Washington-based Center for Strategic and International Studies. "It would have to be considered, because many of the cells are now global," Bryan said.

Mike Ackerman, a former CIA terrorism expert, said Caribbean natives have been involved in terrorism – including Jamaican-born London transit bomber Jermaine Lindsay – but only after they were exposed to radical Islam elsewhere.

In addition to Nur, Trinidadian authorities are holding two suspects in the New York plot: Abdul Kadir, the former Guyanese lawmaker, and Kareem Ibrahim of Trinidad. They are fighting extradition to the United States.

The other named suspect, Russell Defreitas, is former JFK air cargo employee who was arrested in New York. He is a U.S. citizen native to Guyana, a former Dutch and British colony on the northern coast of South America.

Huda Ibrahim, a daughter of the one Trinidadian suspect, denied that her father or Kadir had any role in the alleged airport plot. She read a statement to reporters she said was written on behalf of the local Shiite Muslim community, saying the two men are "absolutely innocent." The community deplores the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks "as much as we deplore the dropping of atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki," she said.

Associated Press writers Tony Fraser in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad and Pat Milton in New York contributed to this report.

like virginia tech

2007-06-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

the stuff they DONT highlight on the news.
excerpt below taken from msnbc article linked in previous post:

Authorities said the JFK scheme was an example of homegrown terrorism. Defreitas, 63, immigrated to the U.S. more than 30 years ago, but he told the federal informant that his feelings of disgust toward his adopted homeland had lingered for years.

mmmhmmm.
now if only we can palm off abdel nur....

live from the "hotbed of terrorism"

2007-06-04T20:27:00.000-05:00

first danah and akon, and now this. mtv says we're a party spot for pervs and then msnbc says we're a breeding ground for terrorism. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19025847/

the toronto star is slightly more generous. rather than hyping us up into a real threat, they portray us (or mr. trini terrorist) as a sad case.

JFK terror plot suspect `a pretty sad character'

Yet authorities say it's `frightening' how far attack plans progressed

Jun 04, 2007 04:30 AM
Greg Miller
Los Angeles times

WASHINGTON–He had little money, a limited education, few friends and frayed relations with his family. By all appearances, Russell Defreitas was "a pretty sad character" at age 63, in the words of one law enforcement official.

And yet Defreitas managed to make significant headway in his effort to launch a terrorist attack on John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, law enforcement officials said.

Defreitas, who used to work at the airport, made surveillance tapes of the facilities he is accused of plotting to strike. He made several trips to Guyana and Trinidad, some of them paid for by an alleged accomplice. And he managed in a relatively short amount of time to tap into Muslim extremists in his native Guyana and Trinidad who appeared eager to help him carry out the alleged scheme.

U.S. law enforcement officials acknowledge that Defreitas was nowhere near being capable of mounting an attack. He did not have explosives, money or an executable plan. But authorities said one of the most alarming aspects of the case is that a man of such meagre means managed to make as much progress as he did.

"It is a bit worrisome when someone like this, who is a bit washed up, is able to go out and solicit funding and the blessing of others who are more organized and experienced," said a justice department official familiar with the case who spoke on condition of anonymity. "It is a bit frightening."

Defreitas was one of four men charged in the case, which was announced by federal law enforcement officials Saturday. Two are in custody in Trinidad and are expected to be extradited to the United States, and a third is said to be at large in Trinidad.

Authorities said it was possible others could be charged. The criminal complaint unsealed Saturday lists at least six unnamed individuals, most in Guyana or Trinidad, as being connected to the alleged plot. But Defreitas is accused of being the plot's main architect.

you can

2007-06-01T23:10:00.000-05:00

grease mah crease, baby!

LMAO

its so great to be able to hangout with university friends who know you first and foremost as the immature jackass you had the potential to BE and not the staid professional you ARE. then, conversation has to find a common ground that is NOT work-related, and you can reminisce like old cronies (criminals) about classic idiot moments and giggle conspiratorially.

i can't remember WHY i was impersonating smiegel from lord of the rings. it only matters that when i did it in 2002, it was DEAD funny.

i'm also not entirely sure why candace is so gutter. but i DO know that she brings out the gutter in me.
another fact: candace is a ridiculously common name on this island.

we went to dinner at il colosseo. the food was divine. even the snails. yes. i had snails as appetizers. snails soaked in herbed garlic butter. the cheesecake dessert was... *le sigh* soo soo stuffed. and it was soo soo good.

afterwards, we went to normandie. the washrooms was a ghetto unisex affair. the atmosphere was great. outside courtyard under mango trees. good music. lots of lovely professional peoples. there was a safari theme. candace and i debated taking one of the leopard print sheets with us for later >;0)

on the way home, we listed the merits of lady saw's dreadful " 'ULA 'OOP" song. to be followed by a discussion of "CHAT TO MIH BAHK!" Candace pointed out that men have to chat to lady saw's back "cus her face CRASH!".
ooooooooooooouch. so not nice.

who's gonna grease her crease??

thank goodness for non-work friends!
=0}

-be- your negative emotions

2007-05-30T22:44:00.000-05:00

in the moment you ARE that emotion. do not divorce yourself from it. be it. recognize the source of irritation so you can understand and love or show compassion or something like that.

or perhaps, in recognizing the source of the irritation, you will understand that you will volunteer to drive next time so that you can drop your lazy "friend" off on the main road, nowhere near their house, so they can think about how you might have felt as they walk in the dark down to their house.

yes. i think that is what i will do.

as for my other worries, cares and concerns, i understand where all those emotions come from... i know the sources of those feelings, and alas, they are out of my hands. i just keep praying for strength and compassion and understanding to deal with them as they occur.

dealing with death at various stages is a journey in itself. the kids are dealing with the sleight of hand that is a freak traffic accident. not so incredible in that, like 99.8% of car accidents, it could have been avoided. freak in that it claimed so many young lives in one fell swoop.
i, on the otherhand, get to contemplate my grandad's slow death of liver cancer, which he happily accepts (for now).

maybe that's also why this lack of common courtesy exhibited by my "friend" is that much more annoying. given the strange times we live in, and the discussions we've had about the frailty of life, it doesn't make sense that i would be left in a potentially dangerous situation. alone. pretty stupid actually if i may be honest.

i was actually incredulous, or else i would have demanded that i NOT be left on the side of the road at 930. or at the very least, i would have said something then. but i was quite surprised.

moral of the story: dont volunteer to drive if you think you might be a lazy jackass on the way home. i can drive myself. thanks.

1155. i think my nails are dry now. i know i'm definitely finished griping. so time for bed!

say hello to

2007-05-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

my boyfriend

the tin man rocketh.
doesn't it look like him?
lol

the hemstar

sorry about the bags under the eyes, hem. i didn't know how to take them off without having to redo the whole thing. you have an open mouth cus you're either in a)mid laugh or b)mid story or c) mid instructions for your "class"

the aji, my girlfriend

this is my interpretation of aji in australia... cus i didn't like any of the other backgrounds.yeah yeah i know you dont have a white coat. true say, i should have made a black one. but whatever. and the hair. lawd. dont get me started. changed that 4 times. hence, its my "impression".

the tin man at night

notice the scowl. angry black man at the (go) bus stop in the eastside hood. knawmsayin?!

and last but not least, the crazy one.

i had to do skis cus they didn't have any other funky footwear (like her Jesus sandals).

this is where *i did all this fun stuff:
http://www.sp-studio.de/

now you can too!

*i actually caught that the second time i viewed the page. but i was too lazy to change it. but you've made me feel bad, so i hope you're happy now!

why is it

2007-05-25T23:02:00.000-05:00

that noone leaves any comments for me?
i'd like some comments people! nice ones, preferably.
aaaaaanyway

yesterday, osheayanna became TWO MONTHS OLD! wow. that's big news =)

__________________________________________________________
i'm tired and out of shape. that's old news.
i think perhaps i'm pms-ing or something. this week i've been incredibly bored with the routine of life. going to work, coming home, hanging out with the work peoples, cooking once in a while, cleaning, bored, BORED, B O R E D.

part of it is the fact that i have a quite capable student teacher who teaches 2 of my 3 periods. so after 905, the only "work" i have to do is policing. i dont even really do that because she has to develop her own classroom management techniques. so essentially, i'm in the room but now i have to FIND work to do. and i dont have to plan in the evenings because geography is sorted out and she's doing history. booooring!

now that i'm "not" the teacher person, i'm getting to have all sorts of random conversations with the kids. and they also make a point of telling me all manner of things. now i know why nicole (my last host teacher) was having such a great time while i was on my block. she just had to interject for the parts she liked or crack jokes when she was bored.

the good thing is that i got to mark a whole pile of essays while listening to my own music to block them out. if i wasn't plugged in, i would hear everything and be forced to police and answer questions. ipods are your own little isolation chamber. plus, they recognize that because they use music to block things out too.
now all i need is a screen to block out guilty faces turned to me expecting that i've heard/seen and will be annoyed, and to block out the chair rockers in danger of falling and buss'ing open their heads (despite the fact that they know my rules still apply).

she had a game that she made up for them today. it was good times.
MMMs include:
a student instructed to hum the canadian anthem humming something that sounds more like oh christmas tree, yet EVERY student yelled out the right answer.

only one person could figure out how to draw suburbia... after they had learned about it the day before.

noone could spell sovereignty. in fact the spelling got worse as it went from one team to the next.

EVERYone knows the songs from grease. "of COURSE miss!"

and,

"TEK YUH TIME, NAH BOY!"

-----
in other news, i swam around the pool today without touching bottom. i didn't hit the wall because i had my eyes open underwater. i only started to falter when i started to screw up my breating/floating and had to fight to stay up because i was hardly able to breathe at all. it took a while to catch my breath. that tells me that i am HELLA out of shape. so so sad. and josh is a good swimming teacher.
i need to do that again though, because even though that was a personal victory, i failed to swim without stopping for a minute. i only made it to 50 seconds.
yeah, i know that's a piddly amount of time, but that's a big deal for someone like me who could only flail around 4 weeks ago.

afterwards, we joined the posse at trotters. that was tres surreal. every single expat and/or white trini on the island was there, shmoozing it up, yelling to their neighbours over the adult contemporary music pumped through the place. i felt tired from swimming and awkward in the weird vibe of the place. had some mini quesadillas. ym. not quite yum. just ym.
---------------------

tomorrow is the east side mission. hopefully i'll find some nice work gear or tops to wear out so that i wont look as dull as i did at sasha's party last week.

____________________
lets hope next week i wont be so bitterly bored. oh that's right. there's a holiday on wednesday so i'll have to find something to do, and then i get to start teaching again on thursday cus the student teacher will be gone.

i shouldnt say bitter though. i have almost nothing to be bitter about! i'm amazed that i'm this bored and lethargic too. i could sleep all day if given the chance. quite happily i might add.

i've been really working on thinking about things instead of thinking about how bored i am. reading thich nhat hanh and some devotional stuff too. plus listening to chill music.
meh...
now i'm boring myself with my writing!

ACK!

2007-05-23T22:47:00.000-05:00

stayed late at school.
went with michelle and alice to rituals to have a sweet fix after school.
went home, got zee car and zee stack of essays (blech), and came back to school at 430.
stopped to go to the grocery and talk to candace (mah ho foh lyfe).
we left at 815.
watched a staff member CALL A PARENT AT 8PM.
who calls parents at 8pm?!?!?! but whatever.
got home and as i was pulling in, the hemstar called (SHOUT OUTS YAAR!).
spent an hour on da phone with her, 6 mins yakkin to the bf, then watched the real world denver reunion.

afterwards, i wondered why i was a)still up, b)still haunted/feenin to watch tv and c)still hungry.
as i glanced at last night's dishes (part 2, i had washed earlier), i figured out something.

tasha was right. it sucks to leave school, or finish the day, and know you STILL need to log in more work hours. not to mention you're still IN the school. today more than ever i wished for the university days when you could sit in the library til they kicked you out at closing time doing work at your own pace, to your hearts content.

so i'm
a) still wired cus i hadn't de-schooled for the evening.
b) still watching real world shite on tv. its not even my denver posse. its the las vegas hard back originals reunited or something...they're pigs! their place is a disaster. every single room/kitchen whatever is disgusting
c)solved that by having some leftover spaghetti with my chunky veggie sauce. hopefully i wont have heartburn!

i should be lying in bed, winding down with the tripitakas according to thich nhat hanh. but no. i am awake watching tripe on tv, thinking about the dishes in my sink.

this irulan girl looks like my pal genna from york.

speaking of york friends, i've been regaling my impressionable 9s with stories of my friends' various university experiences. they were most impressed with my stories a la yord from sodom and gommorah (south beach).

i have MOSQUITO BITES! dammit.

[does this girl have an eating disorder?]

wth am i still doing up?!?!?!

gah i have to iron stuff to wear tomorrow i think... blech.

i have a mango that needs to be eaten. maybe i'll eat it tomorrow.

the dishes gotta be done tonight though. =\