sometimes its a pity you can't lug all your favourite people around with you like a cellphone or a stuffed toy.
there are people and things in trinidad and tobago that i miss so much my heart hurts. it's almost as bad as breaking up. i broke up with TT. we'll go out for coffee later but that's not the same as waking up to the birds, the mountains, the sea breeze and the sunshine every day (except rainy season).
visiting isn't the same as living there. which i knew. that's the whole reason why i wanted to live there. but yeah.
you almost dont want to meet people. so then you'll have less to miss.
this morning i quite vividly dreamed i was back in trinidad, and i was going to go spend a day in tobago. i had my tickets in hand, my beach stuff on my shoulder and people i wanted to visit. it was very real at the time. and unrealistic because there was a voice saying but you're 3300km away in CANADA stupid!
so yeah. that dream had an abrupt ending. but eh well.
michelle asked me how much is a ticket to go back?
i dont even want to know. cus if someone handed me a ticket i'd be on the next flight outta here. so very true.
lol i'm home, but i'm homesick!
[and of course, when i was in TT there were people HERE that i was missing terribly too]
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
best friends
best friends are the best therapy*.
*disclaimer: does not apply if your best friend is your drug dealer or your pimp or that good times guy/gal who got you hooked on coke or meth.
but yeah.
best friends rock.
=)
*disclaimer: does not apply if your best friend is your drug dealer or your pimp or that good times guy/gal who got you hooked on coke or meth.
but yeah.
best friends rock.
=)
new hobby - distracting friends at work
09:47:29] Caribbean Barbie says:
dont you have... like ...work to do?
[09:56:28] S1KA6T says:
yes i do
[09:56:34] S1KA6T says:
AND i'm doing it right now
[09:57:11] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause*
[09:57:21] Caribbean Barbie says:
--employee of the year award goes to
[09:57:27] Caribbean Barbie says:
* p a u s e *
[09:57:37] Caribbean Barbie says:
D______________________ H___________________________!
[09:57:48] Caribbean Barbie says:
come on up here and say a few words, mr. ______!
[10:00:18] S1KA6T says:
rotfl
[10:00:44] Caribbean Barbie says:
speech!!! SPEECH!!
[10:03:01] S1KA6T says:
I'd like to thank God, my family...
[10:06:26] Caribbean Barbie says:
lol
[10:06:30] Caribbean Barbie says:
*cue music*
[10:06:51] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause as Rent-A-Hoe gives him a kiss and steers him off the stage*
[10:10:02] S1KA6T says:
*slaps Rent-A-Hoe in the ass as he walks off stage*
* Crowd cheers*
[10:11:46] Caribbean Barbie says:
lmao
[10:11:49] Caribbean Barbie says:
dirty bird!
dont you have... like ...work to do?
[09:56:28] S1KA6T says:
yes i do
[09:56:34] S1KA6T says:
AND i'm doing it right now
[09:57:11] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause*
[09:57:21] Caribbean Barbie says:
--employee of the year award goes to
[09:57:27] Caribbean Barbie says:
* p a u s e *
[09:57:37] Caribbean Barbie says:
D______________________ H___________________________!
[09:57:48] Caribbean Barbie says:
come on up here and say a few words, mr. ______!
[10:00:18] S1KA6T says:
rotfl
[10:00:44] Caribbean Barbie says:
speech!!! SPEECH!!
[10:03:01] S1KA6T says:
I'd like to thank God, my family...
[10:06:26] Caribbean Barbie says:
lol
[10:06:30] Caribbean Barbie says:
*cue music*
[10:06:51] Caribbean Barbie says:
*polite round of applause as Rent-A-Hoe gives him a kiss and steers him off the stage*
[10:10:02] S1KA6T says:
*slaps Rent-A-Hoe in the ass as he walks off stage*
* Crowd cheers*
[10:11:46] Caribbean Barbie says:
lmao
[10:11:49] Caribbean Barbie says:
dirty bird!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
observations and other ruminations
what's up with all the hardback 23 year olds out there?
let's start with my "baby" brother. 23. hard back man. now that he's cut off the braids and gone back to the pretty boy low fade, he looks more 23 and less 35.
random #1 pro-footballer. at 23, could pass for 35 easy. in fact, looked like one of my 37 year old friends, just taller. and fairer.
random #2 boat captain. 23 going on 30 "with experience". now that i've seen my brother for the first time in months, i see that mr. random 23 #2 could take my brother easy. #2 has quite a long reach. and maybe about 1 or 2 inches over him. although my brother is quite the beast at 6'3, 180some-odd lbs. it would be quite the fight.
random #3 engineer. 23 but could be a young 30. he assumed i was his age, and i assumed the same. HA! now, white guys usually look older than they are, but this was almost bordering on ridiculous. maybe it was the glasses... or the european air.
tsk. there must be something in the water
---
the last 2 weeks of june and the first 2 weeks of july were headaches and a half. there were some excellent moments, and some VERY e x t r e m e l y $#!@^ moments. i even managed to breakdown in tears and SWEAR at work! in my class. with the door closed. and no one else around. but i dont do swearing, so you know it was bad.
good times included - the drive to mayaro (beautiful), store bay with mah mama, the non-stop friday night with candace.
i wish, really wish, i had changed my ticket to stay until the first week of august. i feel very idle here in toronto, and i felt very rushed in my last 2 weeks in tdad. the kelvster would have pitched a fit though. but then i could have caught up on sleep, checked out tgo heritage (GAH), and been around for the return of the Jan for Barry's wedding. i probably would have gotten myself into trouble though too... too much idleness isn't always a good thing!
but that is a small regret. and it wont change the fact that i am HERE and not there.
---
one of my vices, besides occasional bouts of selfishness, is the desire to have balance and harmony in all my relationships with others. i accidentally pissed off a friend before i left. i sent msgs to and talked to everyone i could think of while i was waiting in the airport...and even when i was on the plane (before they told us to shut things off). but this person was too pissed to respond i guess.
half of me says 'pfft. why bother?' and the other half stubbornly says 'you need to secure your investment in the friend bank'.
but perhaps i'll have to close that account. that would be an option for resolution too. not the ideal solution, but dwelling on that loose end just amplifies my depression about my dis/relocation to Toronto.
---
nothing is ever as you want it, but everything is as it should be.
---
i'll have to close this life in the sun and start a new blog about the Tdot Homecoming Tour....
more on that later
let's start with my "baby" brother. 23. hard back man. now that he's cut off the braids and gone back to the pretty boy low fade, he looks more 23 and less 35.
random #1 pro-footballer. at 23, could pass for 35 easy. in fact, looked like one of my 37 year old friends, just taller. and fairer.
random #2 boat captain. 23 going on 30 "with experience". now that i've seen my brother for the first time in months, i see that mr. random 23 #2 could take my brother easy. #2 has quite a long reach. and maybe about 1 or 2 inches over him. although my brother is quite the beast at 6'3, 180some-odd lbs. it would be quite the fight.
random #3 engineer. 23 but could be a young 30. he assumed i was his age, and i assumed the same. HA! now, white guys usually look older than they are, but this was almost bordering on ridiculous. maybe it was the glasses... or the european air.
tsk. there must be something in the water
---
the last 2 weeks of june and the first 2 weeks of july were headaches and a half. there were some excellent moments, and some VERY e x t r e m e l y $#!@^ moments. i even managed to breakdown in tears and SWEAR at work! in my class. with the door closed. and no one else around. but i dont do swearing, so you know it was bad.
good times included - the drive to mayaro (beautiful), store bay with mah mama, the non-stop friday night with candace.
i wish, really wish, i had changed my ticket to stay until the first week of august. i feel very idle here in toronto, and i felt very rushed in my last 2 weeks in tdad. the kelvster would have pitched a fit though. but then i could have caught up on sleep, checked out tgo heritage (GAH), and been around for the return of the Jan for Barry's wedding. i probably would have gotten myself into trouble though too... too much idleness isn't always a good thing!
but that is a small regret. and it wont change the fact that i am HERE and not there.
---
one of my vices, besides occasional bouts of selfishness, is the desire to have balance and harmony in all my relationships with others. i accidentally pissed off a friend before i left. i sent msgs to and talked to everyone i could think of while i was waiting in the airport...and even when i was on the plane (before they told us to shut things off). but this person was too pissed to respond i guess.
half of me says 'pfft. why bother?' and the other half stubbornly says 'you need to secure your investment in the friend bank'.
but perhaps i'll have to close that account. that would be an option for resolution too. not the ideal solution, but dwelling on that loose end just amplifies my depression about my dis/relocation to Toronto.
---
nothing is ever as you want it, but everything is as it should be.
---
i'll have to close this life in the sun and start a new blog about the Tdot Homecoming Tour....
more on that later
Thursday, June 26, 2008
what is the goal
when you do something, make long term plans, you always need to have an aim, a goal towards which you are striving.
but sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what the goal is. and when THAT is figured out, you can figure out all the milestone mini goals that need to be reached along the way.
the goal in coming here was...
a) to live by myself and not with family
b) to live by myself and not with a significant other
c) to live by myself in a "foreign" country/ "new" environment
i wanted to achieve all these goals by relocating to trinidad so that i could know how to do things, live life for myself and mostly by my own means.
there's a calypso that talks about independent ladies who bought their stuff for themselves. its not annoying or condescending like tlc or destiny's child. it's more appreciative of a woman's capacity to not depend on others for the things she wants/needs.
now as for my small goals above,
a was achieved
b was achieved sort of because he was the absent presence in every conversation, every moment of the day.
c was achieved... although technically, literally, trinidad is not foreign to me as i was born here and have visited several times
i really wanted to achieve b because i knew that when i went back to toronto, i would have to join myself to someone else and their life, and i didn't want to regret not knowing what it is to live by myself as an adult in my own place.
people ask if i'm ready to move back to T.O. i say i'm never ready, but it is time. i have achieved my goals. the significant other has been patiently waiting. i have also learned, or had reconfirmed, that there is no one who fits me just like he does.
like my trini flag havaianas - if i could wear those all day every day, i would be ecstatic. but that doesn't work for all occasions. sometimes its not possible to access your favourite shoes, so you go for something else. something that matches or fits the occasion but is equally comfortable. but all along you know, nothing beats my fave pair of ___ and i can't wait to get home to take these off and put those on.
even though i may be dragging my heels because i'm not looking forward to winter, being unemployed, being quasi-homeless, paying world gas prices; or missing mas, the fetes and concerts, the beaches, my family [!!!], all signs are pointing to the airport.
there seem to be new signs pointing to new things at home.
but, for now, for here, the goals have been achieved.
it is time to go.
but sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what the goal is. and when THAT is figured out, you can figure out all the milestone mini goals that need to be reached along the way.
the goal in coming here was...
a) to live by myself and not with family
b) to live by myself and not with a significant other
c) to live by myself in a "foreign" country/ "new" environment
i wanted to achieve all these goals by relocating to trinidad so that i could know how to do things, live life for myself and mostly by my own means.
there's a calypso that talks about independent ladies who bought their stuff for themselves. its not annoying or condescending like tlc or destiny's child. it's more appreciative of a woman's capacity to not depend on others for the things she wants/needs.
now as for my small goals above,
a was achieved
b was achieved sort of because he was the absent presence in every conversation, every moment of the day.
c was achieved... although technically, literally, trinidad is not foreign to me as i was born here and have visited several times
i really wanted to achieve b because i knew that when i went back to toronto, i would have to join myself to someone else and their life, and i didn't want to regret not knowing what it is to live by myself as an adult in my own place.
people ask if i'm ready to move back to T.O. i say i'm never ready, but it is time. i have achieved my goals. the significant other has been patiently waiting. i have also learned, or had reconfirmed, that there is no one who fits me just like he does.
like my trini flag havaianas - if i could wear those all day every day, i would be ecstatic. but that doesn't work for all occasions. sometimes its not possible to access your favourite shoes, so you go for something else. something that matches or fits the occasion but is equally comfortable. but all along you know, nothing beats my fave pair of ___ and i can't wait to get home to take these off and put those on.
even though i may be dragging my heels because i'm not looking forward to winter, being unemployed, being quasi-homeless, paying world gas prices; or missing mas, the fetes and concerts, the beaches, my family [!!!], all signs are pointing to the airport.
there seem to be new signs pointing to new things at home.
but, for now, for here, the goals have been achieved.
it is time to go.
Monday, June 16, 2008
love nights like this
so sunday was super duper productive mang.
sort of.
woke up BEFORE 7AM WITHOUT MY ALARM. craaaaaaaaaziness.
started marking after breakfast.
marked til pops called and said he needed a lift.
no probs.
threw on some non-pj clothes, grabbed his father's day fancy bread present, jumped in the car and headed for the port.
....only to see cops and cars every-damn-where.
bomb scare
only in trinidad. steeeeeeeeeeeeeeups. so i parked up and waited in south quay. just as a crazy vagrant started a one man show in my rearview mirror, pops appeared. phew!
headed to the house to drop him off and visit... scored some lunch. =D
tore myself away from the jokes and the attention of all the aunties (and the same questions over and over every time someone new entered the room), and headed back to mark.
talked to the kelvin and loaded the car for donita's.
napped then marked some more.
finished loading zee car and then headed back to donita's for pack-a-palooza.
left her place 930 and headed home to bathe, get pretty and find some MEN!
lol j/k
just meeting a friend and his brother at an irish pub. IRISH PUB. but sunday night it's karaoke. ram-packed with a whole set of black and brown but mostly black folks. i could count the white boys on one hand. its times like these that remind me that i'm in the caribbean and not canada.
aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, squeeze into the teeny tiny space by the bar that my friend and his brother have claimed and look over their shoulders to see.... my cousin and his friends =D
good times.
{well good times after they finished interrogating me about all my business - starting with why i was out on a sunday night.}
gotta love the fact that trinidad is [ this big ].
i got lots of jokes for the night. it was a perfect end to the weekend. i'm so glad i didn't decide to be lazy and stay in.
that was a good lime =)
sort of.
woke up BEFORE 7AM WITHOUT MY ALARM. craaaaaaaaaziness.
started marking after breakfast.
marked til pops called and said he needed a lift.
no probs.
threw on some non-pj clothes, grabbed his father's day fancy bread present, jumped in the car and headed for the port.
....only to see cops and cars every-damn-where.
bomb scare
only in trinidad. steeeeeeeeeeeeeeups. so i parked up and waited in south quay. just as a crazy vagrant started a one man show in my rearview mirror, pops appeared. phew!
headed to the house to drop him off and visit... scored some lunch. =D
tore myself away from the jokes and the attention of all the aunties (and the same questions over and over every time someone new entered the room), and headed back to mark.
talked to the kelvin and loaded the car for donita's.
napped then marked some more.
finished loading zee car and then headed back to donita's for pack-a-palooza.
left her place 930 and headed home to bathe, get pretty and find some MEN!
lol j/k
just meeting a friend and his brother at an irish pub. IRISH PUB. but sunday night it's karaoke. ram-packed with a whole set of black and brown but mostly black folks. i could count the white boys on one hand. its times like these that remind me that i'm in the caribbean and not canada.
aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, squeeze into the teeny tiny space by the bar that my friend and his brother have claimed and look over their shoulders to see.... my cousin and his friends =D
good times.
{well good times after they finished interrogating me about all my business - starting with why i was out on a sunday night.}
gotta love the fact that trinidad is [ this big ].
i got lots of jokes for the night. it was a perfect end to the weekend. i'm so glad i didn't decide to be lazy and stay in.
that was a good lime =)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
officially...
i've officially committed myself to leaving this place.
we packed up my dishes tonight. or rather, donita packed my dishes in my other stuff and i typed all the items into her itemized list for customs. my things went into box 4 (aka brown box #2 aka apc box) and box 5 (aka copyrite box #2).
and i still have piles of things here.
shoes, clothes, books, teaching stuffs...
but it's all been displaced and ready to be piled into the car and taken over to the packing station where the PackMaster does her magic. i provided the music and the comic relief.
the wildlife is already ready to take over my place. somehow a giant outside roach made it through the doorframe and onto my curtain on wednesday [he didn't live long]. i saw a large lizard on the kitchen wall last night, and now as i'm typing, a daddy longlegs came strolling over to the futon to start a home underneath.
wha de jail...?!
and my everlasting joy turned frustration - the yearbook - is still not at the printer. at this 99th hour. because of holdups beyond our control. this is nuts. but eh well. i'm trying not to be stressed. i'm really concerned its not a reflection on me.
gah.
too many variables! not enough control. urgh.
today was a girls day.
french class with the women... in my khaki mini skirt. i swear i didn't realize that thing was so short. i was comfortable for the rest of the day but waaaaaaaaaaaay.... could hardly sit gracefully in it at those miniskool wooden desks.
meet donita and go shopping on ariapita.
it only just occurred to me, when we were in tres chic (62 ariapita ave) after the hemp shop (across the road), that ariapita is like yonge street.... or maybe queen west. you could, theoretically, walk from about where it starts at park street, or even after, from colville street, and see lots of things, pass lots of eateries, and do plenty shopping.
i spent the equivalent of my mas costume in the hemp store today. but it was for a very good cause.
most of the shirts i bought for other people (not me!!) were from this line: http://riseupinternational.com/
its worth checking out the site if even just for the ("bess"/"boss"/"sick") soundtrack - talib, mia, damian....
rise up is kind alike red cross meets samaritan's purse minus the church aspect. they started the clothing line this year to raise awareness to a variety of issues and/thereby increase the funds they have available to continue the grassroots projects around the world that work to end exploitation, inequities and injustice in specific locales.
after making my linx card sweat in the hemp shop, headed down for a salad lunch at lagniappe. yum!
in fact, its 1222am, but i think it might be carrot cake time... i think... hmm yesh.
after that, got d's bday present =) girly top oh yeah!!
then bank, then tape (can never have enough duct tape), then grocery! (girls' gotta eat!)
mmmhmm...
if it weren't for a few important things/people back home, i could live down here for another 5 years for sure. the weather today was lovely. hot and no rain, but lots of breeze.
there was even great music on el radio!
there will be more packing tomorrow. i also need to mark like a FIEND to get these projects done. ugh.
life is good =)
we packed up my dishes tonight. or rather, donita packed my dishes in my other stuff and i typed all the items into her itemized list for customs. my things went into box 4 (aka brown box #2 aka apc box) and box 5 (aka copyrite box #2).
and i still have piles of things here.
shoes, clothes, books, teaching stuffs...
but it's all been displaced and ready to be piled into the car and taken over to the packing station where the PackMaster does her magic. i provided the music and the comic relief.
the wildlife is already ready to take over my place. somehow a giant outside roach made it through the doorframe and onto my curtain on wednesday [he didn't live long]. i saw a large lizard on the kitchen wall last night, and now as i'm typing, a daddy longlegs came strolling over to the futon to start a home underneath.
wha de jail...?!
and my everlasting joy turned frustration - the yearbook - is still not at the printer. at this 99th hour. because of holdups beyond our control. this is nuts. but eh well. i'm trying not to be stressed. i'm really concerned its not a reflection on me.
gah.
too many variables! not enough control. urgh.
today was a girls day.
french class with the women... in my khaki mini skirt. i swear i didn't realize that thing was so short. i was comfortable for the rest of the day but waaaaaaaaaaaay.... could hardly sit gracefully in it at those miniskool wooden desks.
meet donita and go shopping on ariapita.
it only just occurred to me, when we were in tres chic (62 ariapita ave) after the hemp shop (across the road), that ariapita is like yonge street.... or maybe queen west. you could, theoretically, walk from about where it starts at park street, or even after, from colville street, and see lots of things, pass lots of eateries, and do plenty shopping.
i spent the equivalent of my mas costume in the hemp store today. but it was for a very good cause.
most of the shirts i bought for other people (not me!!) were from this line: http://riseupinternational.com/
its worth checking out the site if even just for the ("bess"/"boss"/"sick") soundtrack - talib, mia, damian....
rise up is kind alike red cross meets samaritan's purse minus the church aspect. they started the clothing line this year to raise awareness to a variety of issues and/thereby increase the funds they have available to continue the grassroots projects around the world that work to end exploitation, inequities and injustice in specific locales.
after making my linx card sweat in the hemp shop, headed down for a salad lunch at lagniappe. yum!
in fact, its 1222am, but i think it might be carrot cake time... i think... hmm yesh.
after that, got d's bday present =) girly top oh yeah!!
then bank, then tape (can never have enough duct tape), then grocery! (girls' gotta eat!)
mmmhmm...
if it weren't for a few important things/people back home, i could live down here for another 5 years for sure. the weather today was lovely. hot and no rain, but lots of breeze.
there was even great music on el radio!
there will be more packing tomorrow. i also need to mark like a FIEND to get these projects done. ugh.
life is good =)
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