-be- your negative emotions

in the moment you ARE that emotion. do not divorce yourself from it. be it. recognize the source of irritation so you can understand and love or show compassion or something like that.

or perhaps, in recognizing the source of the irritation, you will understand that you will volunteer to drive next time so that you can drop your lazy "friend" off on the main road, nowhere near their house, so they can think about how you might have felt as they walk in the dark down to their house.

yes. i think that is what i will do.

as for my other worries, cares and concerns, i understand where all those emotions come from... i know the sources of those feelings, and alas, they are out of my hands. i just keep praying for strength and compassion and understanding to deal with them as they occur.

dealing with death at various stages is a journey in itself. the kids are dealing with the sleight of hand that is a freak traffic accident. not so incredible in that, like 99.8% of car accidents, it could have been avoided. freak in that it claimed so many young lives in one fell swoop.
i, on the otherhand, get to contemplate my grandad's slow death of liver cancer, which he happily accepts (for now).

maybe that's also why this lack of common courtesy exhibited by my "friend" is that much more annoying. given the strange times we live in, and the discussions we've had about the frailty of life, it doesn't make sense that i would be left in a potentially dangerous situation. alone. pretty stupid actually if i may be honest.

i was actually incredulous, or else i would have demanded that i NOT be left on the side of the road at 930. or at the very least, i would have said something then. but i was quite surprised.

moral of the story: dont volunteer to drive if you think you might be a lazy jackass on the way home. i can drive myself. thanks.


1155. i think my nails are dry now. i know i'm definitely finished griping. so time for bed!