100 years of solitude

i came home today at minutes to 4 thinking of the laundry i had to do and the errands i had to run.

the sun was shining fiercely for once despite the menacing grey clouds from the east. i changed out of work clothes and instead of leaving to go anywhere or take care of anything, i put out a bowl of hagen dazs and granola, pulled out the marquez book and started reading the sunlight away.

i felt rather lonely. there was a lime going on at someone's house this afternoon and i wasn't invited. i had overheard someone mentioning it on the phone, and then 2 other people talked about heading over there once they had finished what they had to do. but i've been too well brought up to presume that i can invite myself to someone's house. and, no matter how excluded i felt, i wasn't about to ask to BE invited.

i'm sure that if i had bothered, i would have been welcomed. but i chose to wallow in the feeling of rejection. it was weird. almost choking. i almost couldnt eat my icecream. and hagen daz is VERY good. it surprised me that i was so upset.

however, by the time i'd finished the icecream, i'd gotten lost in marquez again and was revelling in the silence, solitude and sunshine in which to finish my book. the only noises were the birds in the yard and the renovation on the house down the road.

its interesting to read a book about being/feeling alone around other people and getting shut up in your thoughts, which is exactly what i did...which permitted me time to continue reading the book.

so i guess they did me a favour by not inviting me.

or maybe i wasn't invited because we (me? my mom?) forgot to mail that letter in 2006. i was totally mortified to admit this. but my aunt had found the letter and opened it and i panicked to discover that the person who had just done me a huge favour on tuesday was the person i had failed way back when - and who, consequently, today did not invite me to lime. so maybe this is karma.

maybe this non invitation was a trick of his subconscious - allowing him to be vindictive and get back at me for being a forgetful ass 2 years ago.

probably not though!

upon closing the front door for the night after the sun had set, i noticed it was still a clear night. that's when i felt another twinge of disappointment at staying in for the evening. it was a beautiful clear night , just warm enough and not cold. i wished i had someone visiting who would need a tour and thus give me a reason to drive around, sit on a patio and be out on this gorgeous night.

i guess i could have gone to my aunts' as i had promised my dad i would, but there was always a 50-50 chance that we'd end up sitting inside instead of outside and i'd melt into a puddle of sweat.

plus i dont want to be interrogated about what's going on with my hair and who i'm going to live with upon my return to toronto.

at least tomorrow is friday and saturday is french class ....and perhaps la horquetta part 2.

and maybe, if i'm lucky, after finishing report cards tomorrow after school i can go OUT!