what matters again

today i went to my cousins wedding. it was wedding part 2 for the trini side. she had already had a ceremony in germany in august. it was still good times. her husband is good people and his family is great.

watching the hoopla of the reception that hosted upwards of 100 people, i was reminded of my conversation with kelvin this week. we have tossed wedding party numbers back and forth for quite awhile. practicality vs courtesy and the whole she-bang.

one snafu of having a large-ish-esque wedding is arranging seating. i was 30 mins early for hte ceremony and it started 30 mins late. so, when some of my aunts suggested stopping for "tea" at a nearby hotel instead of rushing straight to the reception, i jumped at the opportunity.

lo and behold, when we arrived at the reception 20 mins after the appointed start time, it had, indeed started!
all the tables were full.... sort of. my carload (4 people incl me) scrambled for seats back and forth across the hall, blocking people's view of the speeches and festivities in the front. as the situation grew increasingly awkward, i was quite ready to turn around and leave. i would not have had a problem with that at all. it's not my wedding, they know i cared, and that was enough for me. eventually we found seats and after some bargaining actually managed to secure a group together.

now i know why some families like to list the table groupings by the door. that way, you dont have to feel like you're showing up for the opening of transformers and you need to save seats.

because we were "taken in" by random people (and some begrudgingly), we didn't really exchange more than 3 words with the other 6 people at our table. i know nothing about them except for the senior folks were much more courteous than the ones my age. likewise, they would probably pass me in the street.

my aunt and i had a chat about wedding size. she said hers was a gargantuan affair in order to please her ailing mother. she had "switched off" for the whole thing, barely remembering any details. i told her about the numbers we (kelvin and i) had been bandying about and why. she would have prefered a no frills, low key affair herself.

one question i had in regards to planning and inviting people to such an "auspicious occasion" is this:


does it matter to the other people that they be there for the moment?

or

does it matter to you that those people are there?


because on the one hand, you have to invite dick and harry (and their partners and children) solely because you invited tom and you dont want the other 2 (and their entourages) to feel bad; or you believe that dick and harry (& co) truly EXPECT to be invited therefore you are OBLIGATED to invite them.

on the other hand, you can keep things as small or as large as you want with the reasoning that every single person who is in attendance is absolutely crucial to your complete happiness in that moment.

do you really need to invite everyone on the work baseball team? probably not.
great aunt imelda? perhaps
your mother? yes. ...or not. who knows.

i thought i would have to invite my whole family BECAUSE that is the done thing. But, i'm thinking, especially after having attended 2 family weddings this year, and hearing all the behind the scenes business, i might really be able to keep it small because what you will remember is why YOU were happy.... not why harry and paul are upset because they weren't invited.

we can send out "intimations" a la auntie donna mae. via email. HA!