what matters

-one-
watching too much tv one day*, i saw a movie with some guy who was trying to work his way back into a normal life after dealing with addiction or something. anyway, a therapist/preacher guy asked him "is your life important?"

and the dude stuttered to answer it. the preacher/therapist guy explained that he believed HIS own life mattered because he felt the work he did with people and their traumas would have a lasting impact on the future. so, even though it was somewhat depressing, it was rewarding, and, he felt, significant, because through his work, he felt his life made an impact.

so i changed the channel.

and i thought about it. i think my life matters. i'm pretty sure it does. sorry. i think what i do, my purpose for living is important. but i think that teachers, doctors, preachers, counsellors, nurses- anyone in a profession that involves critical levels of trust - has a bligh on answering that question because the nature of our professions is terribly significant.

i became a teacher partly because of teachers i DID NOT like. a student told me she wanted to become a teacher after taking my class. my profession, even on autopilot, has an impact.

and if i wasn't teaching... would my life still be important? i think so, yes, simply because of the relationships i have with my family and friends. some of my coworkers, upon hearing that i wont return next year, have asked about the situation and asked about what would possibly change my mind. that tells me that they value my being.

sometimes you get a sense that you're just floating around making less of an impression than a pinball pinging through a machine. even with religion and connectedness to a higher power, you're still at risk of feeling like flotsam because religions ask you to submit yourself - lose yourself- in order to become more *you* in _____. that release can trigger a weightlessness a futility akin to a whoosing, rapidly deflating hot air balloon.

so, is your life important?