observations and other ruminations

what's up with all the hardback 23 year olds out there?

let's start with my "baby" brother. 23. hard back man. now that he's cut off the braids and gone back to the pretty boy low fade, he looks more 23 and less 35.

random #1 pro-footballer. at 23, could pass for 35 easy. in fact, looked like one of my 37 year old friends, just taller. and fairer.

random #2 boat captain. 23 going on 30 "with experience". now that i've seen my brother for the first time in months, i see that mr. random 23 #2 could take my brother easy. #2 has quite a long reach. and maybe about 1 or 2 inches over him. although my brother is quite the beast at 6'3, 180some-odd lbs. it would be quite the fight.

random #3 engineer. 23 but could be a young 30. he assumed i was his age, and i assumed the same. HA! now, white guys usually look older than they are, but this was almost bordering on ridiculous. maybe it was the glasses... or the european air.

tsk. there must be something in the water

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the last 2 weeks of june and the first 2 weeks of july were headaches and a half. there were some excellent moments, and some VERY e x t r e m e l y $#!@^ moments. i even managed to breakdown in tears and SWEAR at work! in my class. with the door closed. and no one else around. but i dont do swearing, so you know it was bad.
good times included - the drive to mayaro (beautiful), store bay with mah mama, the non-stop friday night with candace.

i wish, really wish, i had changed my ticket to stay until the first week of august. i feel very idle here in toronto, and i felt very rushed in my last 2 weeks in tdad. the kelvster would have pitched a fit though. but then i could have caught up on sleep, checked out tgo heritage (GAH), and been around for the return of the Jan for Barry's wedding. i probably would have gotten myself into trouble though too... too much idleness isn't always a good thing!

but that is a small regret. and it wont change the fact that i am HERE and not there.

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one of my vices, besides occasional bouts of selfishness, is the desire to have balance and harmony in all my relationships with others. i accidentally pissed off a friend before i left. i sent msgs to and talked to everyone i could think of while i was waiting in the airport...and even when i was on the plane (before they told us to shut things off). but this person was too pissed to respond i guess.
half of me says 'pfft. why bother?' and the other half stubbornly says 'you need to secure your investment in the friend bank'.
but perhaps i'll have to close that account. that would be an option for resolution too. not the ideal solution, but dwelling on that loose end just amplifies my depression about my dis/relocation to Toronto.

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nothing is ever as you want it, but everything is as it should be.

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i'll have to close this life in the sun and start a new blog about the Tdot Homecoming Tour....

more on that later